How to downgrade holiday snog to friends

[writergirl007]

Hey.... this might seem really trivial but I'm not sure how to handle this situation.

I've just been on a small group adventure holiday and became friends with a guy in the group. We get on great, loads in common etc but I don't fancy him. I suspected he fancied me though and this was confirmed when he initiated a snog on the last night when we were both pissed.i kissed him back for five minutes (bloody gin!) before going to bed alone.

I saw him the next day to say goodbye and we've been texting a bit - me blaming the booze/him for misbehaving etc. We've vaguely discussed meeting up when back home (I'm still on holiday). I'd like to see him again but only as friends - he lives near me, we have fun together and it would be nice to have a new pal.

So I need help wording a text that would manage his expectations of any meeting? Any ideas please?

Ps. Before anyone asks our ages saying I sound young etc, I'm 40-bloody-five and still ending up in these situations! He's a similar age.

I would literally just say what you've said here - you're not interested in anything romantic, but you'd love to meet up as friends. Just make it clear and then there's no room for him misinterpreting it, and then he'll know the facts and be able to decide if he'd also like to meet as friends or if he'd rather just leave it. I'm not the best at wording stuff, but maybe something like

"I had a great time on holiday and it was lovely getting to know you. I'm not at a stage where I'm looking for a relationship or anything right now, but I think we'd get on great as friends - let me know if you'd like to meet up sometime?"

I'm sure someone will be along who will word it better than me but I think something like that will work as it then leaves the ball in his court to ask you to do something as friends and also makes it clear you're not romantically interested in him. Good luck

Good advice, thanks.

The trouble with saying "I'm not looking for anything romantic right now" is that we had a conversation about dating app activity - so he knows I am potentially looking for a relationship. But I don't want one with him... Shame as he's great but I'm just not attracted to him.

I think the mistake OP is to think you should actively be meeting up with someone who you know fancies you even though you aren't interested.

It's one thing if you happen to see him around or are old friends but to pursue a friendship seems a bit mean.

Totally not what you asked about but wondering if it was a good holiday and if you wouldn’t mind recommending the company if so please?!
Looking for adventure trips I can do solo

I wouldn't expect much here - message him to say you'd love to stay in touch as friends etc, but I'd completely expect that to not happen. The kiss buggered things up... without that, there would have been slightly better odds, but c'est la vie.

He fancies you and probably feels that there is potential for a relationship as you talked lots and kissed, and it's going to be hard to reframe that into friends.

I'm not sure if he's mega into me or more of an opportunist (not in a bad way). I don't think there's anything wrong with being friends with someone who fancies you - as long as you're clear on where you stand. My issue is how to make it clear without abruptly saying "I don't fancy you".

For some reason I can't figure out how to bold/reply to individual comments but @LuluBellaBlue the company was G Adventures and I'd definitely recommend (I've travelled with them loads).

The only thing you can do in this situation is make it absolutely crystal clear that you are friend zoning him, so he 100% knows where he stands.

Continuing to meet him without doing this would be unfair on him, because he is a decent guy who fancies you and has done nothing wrong.

Obviously, he may decide he doesn’t want to see you if there is no chance of a relationship. That’s what can happen when you snog a mate, as I know from experience....

Yes I'm going to have to make it clear it's friends, not a date.

I snogged a friend years ago, felt nothing and somehow managed the situation so we became good mates and then friends with his next girlfriend. I might have to ask him how I did it without hurting his feelings too much...

But then I also had another friend who I snogged when drunk and it really affected the friendship... Although we had been mates for years, not just a week.

Do you really need him as a friend?

"I think you're a really great person and I'd love to have a friendship with you, but I'm sorry, I just don't fancy you"

If he asks why the long snog just reply "Too much gin, sorry"

I doubt he’ll want to just be a friend.