WTF is going on with this strange man?

[LiquidGold20]

For the past 3 years I've been supervised by a male colleague who has a very dry sense of humour. He's occasionally been supportive in the past, trying to help me with developing and exploring different options. He can be very blunt, and moody at times. He has occasionally made flirty comments in the past, at random times which might just be his way of lightening the mood, I'm not sure. But had my last supervision with him on Thurs last week - management have decided to re-juggle things around and my role will now be managed under them, not him, so they've effectively taken the responsibility of supervising me away from him for operational reasons.

He was so horrid! He told me that if I wasn't happy with work or the way things were i'd only got myself to blame. I asked him why this was and he replied with "You're the most dramatic person I know, throwing your toys out the pram, people are bending over backwards to help you."

I was so shocked, I went quiet. Then he asked me to have my say or something along the lines of "go on then, how are you?" And this question just made me cry. I said I was tired, and things were hard with the kids (he knows me and my partner aren't together any more.) I said a lot of the time I felt I was whistling to keep my spirits up. He smiled and said "I've been waiting three years to see this and now, in our last supervision!" And then, weirdest thing of all, as I was crying he leant over the table and held my hand, quite firmly, for some time. He pulled away after about 10/15 seconds.

I managed to calm down, to be honest I just wanted to get the fuck away from there. The meeting ended after that, quite abruptly. Then, later that day, as I was returning to the office from the loo, our paths happened to cross and I made some light joke about forgetting my pass which he clearly didn't hear, and he muttered "You're over it? What?" I was like, "Huh?" as I didn't really understand what he said, and he made an impatient noise through his teeth, almost like a hiss and waved his hand at me in dismissal, before stalking off.

What just happened here? Is he a friend or foe? What is going on? I feel like shit.

He is very weird. He has overstepped the boundary as a manager. He is deliberately confusing you and playing with your feelings. He should not be in a managerial position. He sounds screwed up. Don't allow him to mess with your emotions and manipulate you. Keep away from him.

On the basis of the above, he is definitely a foe. Have as little as possible to do with him in work and nothing at all outside.

He thinks you are troubled and putting on a brave face and that he could have 'saved' you but you have engineered away from him

I'd probably report him for holding your hand like that. Absolute fucking bellend. He wouldn't have done that to a bloke.

Report him for the hand holding. He's an oddball and it all sounds creepy

Sounds like he has feelings for you and has been waiting for 3 years for you?

He sounds like a creepy fuck.

management have decided to re-juggle things around and my role will now be managed under them, not him, so they've effectively taken the responsibility of supervising me away from him for operational reasons.

Was it just for operational reasons though?

Perhaps you should report his behaviour during your last meeting and it might confirm for them things about his character & behaviour in work. You've got it written here.

It's really odd how he turned it into an interrogation/attack etc. when you were not bringing any issues to him (?)

Maybe he has gotten the wrong end of the stick and thinks that you've requested to be taken away from him.

Now you have calmed down and can put yourself across, just ask him what the problem is. Be clear and demand clear answers.

You're going to cross paths, better to not have to do it awkwardly. And if he is just being horrible you can make an informed complaint.

Thank god you’re being moved away from his supervision. Stay away.

I was kind off assuming that someone has reported him for poor behaviour, that his direct reports had been removed and he is assuming it was you?

Has his role or reporting line been changed?

and/or

He has had some fantasy role in his head where he has been you white knight as you are separated and it was inching along to his conclusion where you melt into his arms declaring your undying love - but management have interrupted his day dream and he is frustrated.

Seriously though - how do you feel? He has crossed boundaries in the past more subtly - but has now done so more overtly.

How much do you have to continue to interact with him? Could he seek revenge and damage your career? It might be worth speaking to someone in HR not with any intention of pushing for a grievance - I did this and it became clear that that person had previous.

Basically he is a creepy, deluded, nasty, bitter fruit-loop.

Work people are rarely actual friends, in my experience.

Don't share too much and don't ever expect them to put you before either the business or their ego.

He definitely thinks his supervision of you has been taken away because you badmouthed him.

I would report this whole episode to HR and watch your back in future.

I think he likes to be the big strong man who saves the weak and emotional woman and when you cried he finally felt he could take on the role he wanted. And then when you had pulled yourself together and were feeling better, he was annoyed that his special role had been taken away.

I dont know if he is friend or foe, but he is undoubtedly a dick, so you are lucky that you won't be supervised by him any more!

Bleurgh just reading this gave me the creeps. Glad to hear you won't have to be managed by him anymore, he sounds really odd and inappropriate.

To be fair, if someone tells you that you’re over dramatic, birthing into tears isn’t necessarily the best way to show them they’re wrong.