PTSD - should we listen to his therapist

[IvyBush123]

Dh was diagnosed with ptsd. He is processing this in therapy and got much better.

Dh had the habit of making other people remove things that trigger him because he didn’t want to see them or even touch them. His therapist was very much opposed to that and told him to tell his loved ones not to do him the favour.
Dh has found better ways to cope with most of his triggers.

Now I accidentally bought a little thing that triggered him. Basically because he sent me to buy something similar that does not trigger him and I accidentally bought the thing that triggers him.

He is quite stressed by that little thing, avoids looking at it, is afraid to touch it. This has been going on for weeks now. He has asked me to throw it away. That would be easy for me but I know that his therapist would not want me to do this.

WWYD?

Pour it into a glass next time he wants an energy drink

Thanks. I'll see how it goes before agreeing to report back.
I see an occupational therapist after a 2 yr wait. We work on avoidance. So, a walk to shops together and do a shop - but but I can't go out might see hear smell triggers and panic and have nightmares but that all happens anyway even if I never go anywhere. Current tasks are go to real shops, don't avoid by online shopping, feed yourself, as in shop cook eat 3 times a day, don't rely on others to do it all for you. I'm trying to live as an independent adult, within a relationship that broke down due to my trauma and subsequent ptsd.
You have to go out into the world and face the triggers and learn to handle them.
My world closed down and pushing back against avoidance is the only way out, the second I think OH no, I can't possible do that, or put something off, procrastinate endlessly, then that's the sign I have to do that next awful thing next, to get used to it again. You can recover, you don't have to purposefully 're traumatised yourself, but you do need to try and live a normal life as if none of it happened.

Ha, they just rang to cancel and rearrange while I've been shitting myself all weekend, thinking ways to get out of it and avoid it. Next week instead.

Last thing, the treatment ive had is working, has worked. I'm back at work, raising a family, still have issues, but I am recovering. Tough love is sort of the thing I need, don't need people to go out for you, do it for yourself.

The thing they don't tell you about anti-avoidance is that it doesn't cure you, you have to keep forcing yourself through exposure for the rest of your life or it will revert to your starting point.

Let him build up to feeling able to throw it away himself. I would take the pressure off by carrying on as if I wasn't stressing about it myself and just leave him to throw it out without fanfare or an audience when he's ready.

Im curious who made the decision to offer him CBT for PTSD?

@caulkheaded might be all that's available in the area, it's the only option here.

Drink the drink. Ask him if he wants to throw away the can. If not ask him if he will take out the recycling with the can in it?

I can't help with the CBT but another that can vouch for EMDR. I was referred but after a 7 month wait I decided to go private and even then had to travel quite a distance because of the shortage of practitioners.

Maybe the therapist is hoping that he will be able to throw it out himself, which will involving facing his trigger even if just long enough to throw the can in the bin?

Another option to explore is TRE used by a lot of veterans in US

traumaprevention.com/what-is-tre/

As PP have said, exposure to triggers is a feature of CBT for ptsd. Other therapeutic approaches would be working on helping someone stabilise their physical and emotional reactions to triggers - as this is the distressing part. Does he get flashbacks? Or is it anxiety in the presence of a triggering object? You can find something called ‘grounding and stabilising’ exercises if you google ‘getselfhelp’ and these are ways to manage the horrible feelings that come with being triggered.

You doing anything with it is collusion and inadvertently enabling his ptsd to continue.

This is his treatment journey.

The tough bumpy bits are where he has to “take then medicine” (the exposure) - when he works out how to do this he will learn, make progress. You getting involved is like you downing some antibiotics for your child with a chest infection - totally counterproductive.

He has to decide when, where, how to deal with it - not you.

If you smooth it over for him you are doing him a disservice.

Is he expecting you to solve it for him? Is he verbalising that? Or are you just absorbing his stress and are now at your limit and need release by stepping in?

Another one with positive personal experience of EMDR - but not had CBT so cant compare. But he sounds like he is making progress?

Op off topic but I remembered reading this so I tried to find it

www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/diet-nutrition/a13914836/scientific-link-energy-drinks-mental-health-issues/

Is it possible to reduce the energy drinks as well?

In time, yes, ideally he should be able to have coping mechanisms around triggers; but for something non-essential and whilst he is still in therapy I would remove it personally.

His therapist was very much opposed to that and told him to tell his loved ones not to do him the favour.

OP I have to ask you what drives YOU to seek the unqualified random advice of anonymous people on the internet to over turn the expert treatment advice of someone who has trained for many years in this difficult area?

Has your DH ASKED you to over turn his treatment - because it sounds like he has actually communicated to you that he doesn’t want you to do it if he has told you what the therapist has said.

Or do you just want support from this thread to be able not intervene and cope with your own stress of watching your DH go through this process?

I agree with Grumbly Ideally he should be following the therapists advice but some common sense should prevail if he's early in his treatment, the can of drink is completely non essential and it's making him feel physically ill to have it in the house.

Yes he needs to develop coping strategies around triggers but he won't be there yet. He certainly hasn't failed by struggling with this, whether he throws it away or not.

The most important thing is to discuss all this at his next session and to trust that his therapist can help him.

It is a good point, has he been taught coping mechanisms for when he does have a flashback?

Could you put it in the garden for now? (Obviously I'm not sure what it is.) So it's near but not directly in his space. Then you could consider putting it back in the house when he's ready. After all, he has to live there, he doesn't have to live with family.

On the flip side, he does need exposure. I'm just not sure how fair it is that it's around all the time in the place he calls home. How about only having it out one day a week? Would he be OK if it was kept in a cupboard?

Or for an hour every day?

@Noeuf Do you have a lot of triggers in the House now? Aren’t they triggers any more to your dc?

@BrigidSt My dh goes shopping, he had been working on this. I think it sometimes is still difficult for him but he soldiers on. It gets better with time.
If you wants please tell me how the EMDR goes but you do not have to.

I too would either drink it myself or pour it out for DH to drink.

@Craftycorvid

It’s more like feeling anxiety and disgust and the need to wash his hands when he sees the trigger and also feeling angry at himself because he feels that way. He is very afraid that he might accidentally touch it and that this feelings might become unbearable for him then and that he might snatch then.

@Gutterton Dh told me that his therapist told him before I even bought this trigger.
He has asked me to throwing away but I reminded him that his therapist didn’t want him to as other people to throw away his triggers.

He actually planned to throw it away then but did not manage to but was visibly feeling distressed and sweating.