A little help loving my quiet personality

[Sugarcainx]

I have come a long way and i'm almost there. It's just that I keep getting dumped or cheated on with more extroverted types.
I've always had a shy personality, in any situation. I'm still chatty, and when i'm with the right people you can hear me laughing a mile off.
It's not an issue at all in friendships, just dating. A few guys have had to comment on it, I remember thinking i'd done really well being really chatty and then they called me 'quiet'.
I'd never imagine someone saying, "Oh, you're loud."
It's not even about how much the person talks, it's their general demeanour. I was just watching a show that Miley Cyrus was on, and she always seems to have people wanting to date her. People like her come across as incredibly confident, i'd love to know how to do that and still retain who I am.
I was seeing someone who like myself had a rather calm demeanor but he was still chatty. I thought he was perfect for me. Then this American girl came along who's always the life and soul of the party, every photo she has to be doing something crazy, acting wild etc. And I think he just found her really exciting and new.
I know some men will obviously prefer people like myself but it's hard.
I find people like that intimidating, some of them just have to be the centre of attention.
Any quiet/introverted people who love the way they are and have never had trouble finding love ?
I can't even be bothered going on dates now because I know they will be thinking in their mind that i'm quiet and shy, and it's tiring.

I am a teacher and I luckily don't do too bad with the behaviour management. I have a sense of humour and make the kids laugh. Colleagues still know me as quiet though. I feel like you have to have a big personality to make it in dating.

Empty vessels make the most noise. Stay deep. You are fine as you are, don't go changing.

Thank you. It's not that I want to become like that, i'm just tired of feeling like men find that more exciting. I think there is a very large place for quiet and shy people, and I believe you can be quietly confident.

Btw, is @Sarcelle anything to do with Sarcelles near Paris just out of interest ?

Firstly, quiet and shy are two different things, really. The first is something which is natural for many people; the latter can make other people feel awkward in social situations if you’re difficult to engage or appear not to be enjoying their company. Have you looked into ways of overcoming your shyness? Improvisation theatre and comedy training are both excellent, I would recommend.

I am much quieter than my boyfriend (though he is spectacularly animated and garrulous by any measure!) but I’m not shy; often in a group dynamic I enjoy allowing those who are good storytellers or have quick senses of humour or whatever to do their thing rather than say something simply for the sake of it. I’ve never had anyone comment negatively - indeed, people notice it and often say that they like being around me because it doesn’t feel like everyone is vying for attention at once and often I’ll come in on a story being told with a well-observed worry punchline. I have a wide circle of friends, many extremely extroverted, and I’ve never had difficulties relating or feeling intimated.

Which may be a part of your problem - you sort of seem to view extroverted and talkative people almost as the “enemy” somehow: people who only want to be the centre of attention, or are “acting” all the time, rather than just people who have different social rhythms to you. Don’t view them that way, and don’t view them as competition. They aren’t. It sounds like the man you were seeing just gelled with the other woman well. It doesn’t reflect negatively on you or mean that quiet people aren’t appreciated, it just means they were better matched and you’ll match better with somebody else, too.

Thanks for your reply. Sadly in terms of dating, I have started to see extroverted females as competition.
I do wonder if men find it harder to gel with me or have a connection as they do with these women. I always seem to be liked as a person but they never have this crazy connection.
I do really want to do some sort of theatre. I really love singing too and i'm a great impressionist. I think I have the ability to make people laugh, just feel like i'm always missing something that makes them want to stay with me.
Thanks for your help.

I'm also very introverted. I love living alone and i'm very happy to go shopping etc. By myself. I need time to recharge my batteries and if I had to spend most of my time with someone else i'd probably go crazy.

I'm very shy and i used to feel like you but then my very extroverted friend used to say that she thought it was the other way round and that people found me mysterious. I think some men prefer quieter women some, prefer more extroverted it's just about being confident in yourself. I do know how you feel though xx

I'm quietly spoken and I can be chatty but I am usually seen as a quiet person.

I used to be very shy but I'm not so bad now as I've become older.

I would rather date someone more extrovert than me as I find them easier to chat to

As the previous poster said some men prefer introverts, some prefer extroverts