Is this how a normal relationship starts?

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Basically I’ve come to realise I’m terrible at relationships. I’ve had a couple lasting 3ish years but basically they broke down. I lived with one briefly.

I feel like I have a process of dating, they get into it and I back off. Repeat, repeat, repeat. I’m having therapy and discussing this.

But I’ve met someone who I like, I actually want to see, make the effort for etc. And yet I feel terrified most of the time! My confidence has diminished, I don’t like the not knowing if he’s dating others (we’ve only been on 5 dates so don’t want to ask). I get nervous seeing him. I worry he will go off me.

All I want is to settle down but obviously I need to go through the dating stage to ever really get to that point! It seems when I like someone it stops being a game and suddenly I feel very vulnerable and I don’t like it. Anyone else had similar? If so any advice?

OP, I had one relationship that started like this and my insecurities were caused by him. Not overtly, but he was a cluster B and transpired to be emotionally abusive. My advice, take a deep breath, don’t get too involved too soon and don’t idealise him. Keep an eye out for red flags.

The thing is I don’t think he’s done anything wrong really! The difference with this one is I like him too so I feel vulnerable rather than in control.

What’s cluster b?

I think maybe I’m just nervous and out of touch with the feeling of liking someone.

Or maybe something is wrong.

And if he is? Is that normal?

There's not much point talking to us, you need to speak to him about what sort of relationship you are in. It's a bit cringy, but you will feel better in the long term for knowing where you stand.

Liking someone does make you feel vulnerable, that is normal, but if it's going to be a good relationship then imo you need to be able to talk to each other about pretty much anything.

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I wouldn't ask where the relationship is going. It's too much pressure for 5 dates. If he's asking to see you every week, not skipping weeks, treats you well that's all you need to know at 5 weeks. Over the next couple of months he should start talking about being exclusive and/ or introducing you to family if he's serious. You need to be more patient.