If you have split up with DH/partner after a long relationship, do you feel “more you”?

[Suewiththeredford]

Or less you?

I’m not describing this very well, but when your relationship ended, did you feel your identity and self definition changed?

I felt like me again. The old me.

Me too. I got myself back after 9 years.
I've now been happily with my DP (now DH) for almost 10 years and I am still me, so it wasn't an inevitable consequence of being in a relationship, just that I used to be with a nobhead.

How do you feel OP?

I feel like I’m a sort of version of me but with the brightness and the colour turned right down. And numb. Really quite numb.

OP
Are you planning/contemplating leaving? It sounds like your relationship is not beneficial to you

Yes, I am. I’m trying to get my head around it all.

I feel like I am me again. Not just mum, wife, professional but also me. I do have a slight tendency to try to relive my teenage years (not always appreciated by my teenagers) as that’s the me that I remember.

I split up with my ex 2 months ago, and right now I feel like more me, but I’m very broken and emotionally drained. But I know I’m the true me because I also have hope and excitement for the future to re build my life.
That little flicker of the real me is still there and they (meaning him/his family/his ex wife) didn’t completely blow it out.

I feel like I’m basically at the bottom of this very steep stair case right now, looking up from the bottom at the top. It’s taken me a long time to get here, and this is my next chapter - climbing higher and reaching happiness and healing at the top after a very rough few years.

Not to start with.
Took a year to start feeling like me again.
Then I found my old self.
So many people commented.
And still do.
You will get there. It just takes a bit of time.

I split up with my ex of 9 years almost a year ago. Now I feel more like my old self. I look at pictures of myself from before the split and I look like a different person. I feel like I'm me again.

I feel like me, and definitely colour turned up. Finances and other sorting are a bit overwhelming, but I have the space and freedom to be me.

I felt I lost a big integral part of me when we split though I was still very much my own person. It was hard to disengage and become me singular again. Then I got better. And in lots of ways I prefer who I am now. I am happier and more comfortable and my life is even more enjoyable.

I felt like me but better. I’d grown up, some of my interests has changed, I was thinking about a lot of things differently and being with my ex made it impossible to explore any of it properly as he had me pigeon-holed as the person he thought I was and expected me to remain. He’d also sapped most of the colour, joy and optimism from my personality over time and I felt like I was crumbling.

I left, bought brightly coloured linen, a pink toaster, got all my books out, saw friends again, listened to the music I loved, ate whatever I wanted, took a lot of walks, enjoyed the silence and my own company. Bits of it were awful too but the day my divorce came through I felt like I’d been set free. I cried with relief, had a glass of wine, made a lovely salad and tried to imagine the possibilities ahead of me. Scary but exciting.

God that all sounds corny

I feel I'm the same me. But my relationship, except for the very end, was contented. If you're feeling numb in a negative way (and I say that because for some full brightness and colour can be chaotic as well as exiciting) then you probably need to re-evaluate your relationship.

After 6 months I am starting to feel like me again. In the beginning I stood looking at bedding and couldn't chose any as I didn't know what I liked. I have just had a great weekend, met friends, bought a new jumper because I needed one and I didn't have to ask permission or feel guilty about it. Life is better every day and tomorrow I'm going to the solicitors to file for divorce.
I'm still recovering but filled with hope for the future.

Since getting divorced I am more me than I ever have ever been. I will never dull my shine for anyone ever again.