I’ve been with my DH 8 years. At the 7 year mark we hit our first real rough patch. Lots of arguments etc and clashing. During this time my DH met a colleague during training and got on really well and clicked. From this he pursued a friendship with her. It was him who pursued the friendship entirely - sending her emails arranging to meet up for lunches twice a week and going for a walk round the town and park where their workplace is.
This went on for two months when I found out accidentally. I actually didn’t even know she existed. Nothing physical happened, nor was anything said that was more than friendship. But the issue is he was experiencing what I believe was limerence. He believed as long as nothing physical happened then he wasn’t doing anything wrong, but he was pre-occupied with her and searching for her regularly online.
When I found out it really jump started our relationship to get back on track. I did kick him out for a while due to all the deception but when he came back the relationship has been transformed. He’s been very reassuring and done everything I could want. Ceased all contact with the “friend”, speaks to me now every lunch time. He appeared devastated when I kicked him out - started smoking again, apparently not eating or sleeping and just worked from home at his mums house.
It’s been a year since all this happened and our relationship is good. I believe he is fully trustworthy right now. But I am scared for the future. What if another person comes along in his life in 5,10,15 years from now. It’s just the fact that HE pursued her. What would have happened if I had never found out.
I feel okay most of the time but then I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about the situation, as well as nightmares and it gets me down.