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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Therapy success stories?

1 reply

lostinbucks · 13/01/2020 14:37

Hi. First time posting after reading a lot of threads.
The short story- after 20 years of marriage, two kids and a lot of ups and downs, I was shattered in early December when a good friend (and qualified counsellor) advised me over a coffee that my relationship with my husband is emotionally abusive and controlling (by him). A lot of things fell into place. Feelings I have had for a long time now validated.

I raised the issue with OH and we have gone through deep remorse, denial, willing to do anything to save the marriage, “lets separate and see a solicitor”, it’s my fault and i am the abusive one......
Bit of a rollercoaster.

I have seen relate individually. He wants to do couples counselling but they wouldn't do that based on my session and friend has advised not a good idea in the circumstances.
I am trying to stand firm regarding the need for a change in behaviour and he has now agreed to see a counsellor.

Would just like to know of any success stories out there. Can he really change?

Thanks, in advance

OP posts:
AFistfulofDolores1 · 13/01/2020 16:04

From some experience, it is very difficult for an abuser to change. It asks for fearless, and long-term, commitment to a process that will first undo them completely - their biggest fear. I would not be waiting.

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