SIL/Pregnancy/Whatwouldwedo?

[usernamehelp]

So

This may a particularly long one, so if you can hold on tight and be bothered to read this thread then, THANK YOU!

I'm just after some advice if anyone has been in a similar situation?

Myself and my partner have been together for 5 years, for over 2 years we have been trying to have a baby however the four pregnancy's I've had have sadly ended in losses. This was a horrendous time for us both with both our own personal battles and as a couple however we have come out stronger than ever and I think this is the best our relationship has ever been. I love him so much.

During this time his family was very difficult, especially my sister in law ( for context - she's his brothers wife)

I don't know how to say this without sounding bitter and awful but it's not how I'm meaning it.

I've always handled sister in law well, she's very " me me me me" and is nice as pie as long as ALL attention is on her or her children.

E.G she said she was going into labour and was round my PIL with her pants off swearing she was going to "
give birth" the paramedics basically told her to get up and stop practicing her drama skills because they had better things to do.

Anyways this is the kind of person she is and that's fine however my wedding is coming up in the next year and the thought of her antics are causing me such anxiety.

I honestly wouldn't be shocked if the week of our wedding she announces she's pregnant or buys a dog or one or she gets diagnosed with some random illness.

Has anyone else got someone like this in their life?

How do you handle them?

I don't want a lot.. I just want one day after everything we have been through to be about us. I know this sounds selfish but it's so important to me that my partner gets his parents full attention for one day.

My partners sister also thinks there will be some antic!

Grey rock! Basically treat her antics like a grey rock. Not very interesting or worthy of note. When she's not getting attention, she'll stop.

Grey rock her.

Tell her the bare minimum and appoint someone to her minder. Maybe your parents sister?

She can run interference and redirect your parents focus where it should be and take the sil away from the action.

By rights you bil should be doing this but you didn’t mention him so guessed he keeps quiet.

@MildDrPepperAddiction thank you!

I'll try not to however what about other people giving it attention? X

I would keep her knowledge and interaction with anything wedding related to an absolute minimum. Less she knows, less she can derail things. It sounds like the other family member knows how she is and that her antics will be expected all round. Perhaps have a little "team" meeting the month or so before the wedding to agree that whatever spanner she throws into the works will be given minimum attention. If everyone sings from the same hymn sheet and just a pulls a "Hmm that's nice , dear" she will soon learn that her dramatics aren't receiving the response she is looking for.

Alternatively, and this is the route I would opt for due to my personality type, I would have a succinct chat with her where I reiterated that this was my day and that any of her dramatics on the day or in the lead up to it would swiftly result in her being (r)ejected from the event. That you will simply not tolerate any nonsense. She's forewarned well in advance and the ball is in her court on how she behaves.

You cant control how other people react, but you can control how you do. I would just concentrate on that and let her get on with it. Most people would see her for what she is.

I've a sister like that. Since we were kids she would find a way to muscle in on or ruin some special event on me. I'm getting married this year and I just know that attention-seeking and competitive streak will rear it's ugly head.
I'm battling it with humour. I've bet my partner 50 quid that sis get her partner to propose at our wedding or she'll create some sort of drama about herself. And when she does I am prepared to be dignified and not stoop to her level.

My view is that our day, no matter what she tries to do WILL be about us. Any antics from her will make her look rather sad and pathetic to people there but it won't take away from our day.

I agree with others about grey rocking her.

Can you rope in BIL to help you or is he part of the problem?

I'm assuming you don't want to rescind the invitation so, I would have people on the day who are ready to remove her if she causes a scene. Hire security if you think you need to.

• I meant, asking BIL to help on the day, not with general grey rocking.