Pregnant and need to get away from the father

[DaisyBee123]

Before I begin, I hope you don't mind me posting under relationships, I got some good feedback under here last time *

I am writing on here looking for some advice - and hope!

So I am pregnant and after getting out of an abusive relationship, I have decided it is in the best interest to not include the father.

I am concerned he will order a paternity test through the courts and therefore be able to apply for parental rights/access/custody.

I have plans to move house (within the next month or so) so he won't know my new address and I am now thinking of changing my name too so I will be harder to track.

Originally people on here gave me advice to cease contact and move away! At first I thought this was pretty detrimental - but now as time has gone on a bit, it has only made it clear to me that I will do whatever I can and it doesn't seem that far fetched after all!

At the moment he has no rights, which leaves me feeling slightly contented - but not fully as I feel it is just round the corner until he will be fighting for them.

If I change my name and address and he applies to the courts, will they be able to essentially find me and order a case? I am worried they will be able to do this as they have far more power, but then as it is more of a civil matter, rather than an illegal one, will they bother to go down the route of "tracking me down" in order for him to get a paternity?

I am so confused with it all, and clearly giving me a lot of anxiety. I just want peace of mind that I can do something in my power to keep him away. And I thought name and address change could be the answer!

Has anybody else gone through something similar? Any suggestions on what to do?!

Feeling quite fragile so please keep it nice! Thank you x

I don't have much advice other than the obvious.
Don't put him on the birth certificate.

Be very mindful of your social media accounts. Change passwords, put an obscure name and not a photo of you as your profile picture.

Change phone number.

Good luck and stay strong. X

Can you afford to get proper legal advice?

Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

If you're prepared to relocate and change your name then do. Cut contact with anyone who may share your new name and address. Close social media. New email address. New phone number.

Legal would be a better place to post if you want advice on that side.

Can you see a solicitor? Looked at the information on Rights of Women?

@avocadoincident Thank you
I have basically stopped using my social media accounts now (purely because it was causing me too much anxiety) and I have stopped using my phone since before Christmas. Although I know this will have to be only temporary (I don't think it is realistic to not have a phone in this day in age)! So when I go back to needing one, I will indeed use another number - it saves so much hassle. Definitely not going on the birth certificate x

Just tell him you have had a termination. Move away. Do not tick the box for electoral role on council tax. Do not put him on bc. He would have to find you, apply for dna testing via court - at his expense. And convince a judge he should have PR and access.
Given your previous posting I seriously doubt any of that would happen.

Your mobile service provider will change your number for you. Do it, get away. He has no power over you.

I remember you! Your ex lives near by you right? And you and your family will be moving away soon. Anyway, check out all the legal rights of yours.. so far he has none.. and don’t worry, as long as he doesn’t sees your bump its ok.
Also I wanna add that if he contact you for any reason don’t reply completely ignore.. like he doesn’t exist. Don’t tell anyone about the baby only your nearest family as you never know who will turn on you. I remember you said before you don’t use social media because if this reason so that good. And yes if you think is a good option change your name. Do whatever you feel is necessary for you and the baby. Good luck OP ❤️

@Nifflernancy @ohwheniknow
Yes, I was going to book in to see a solicitor for an appointment soon (I hear you can get 30 minutes free). I don't know if they will give me the same legal advice as Citizens Advice Bureau? I might do both as the more information the better!

I wrote an email to Women's Aid last month and they gave me some general advice and clarified what I was experiencing. They suggested the possibility of applying for an injunction order, which is my next move if things escalate.

I hate the fact it sounds like I'm running away, but I don't feel I am left with much choice, when I fear the alternative is worse!

@Brig93 @Whynosnowyet
Yes that's right! He lives pretty close to me!

I actually did tell him I was going to have a termination, but he didn't believe me and then got his family to check if I had gone through with it. I could have lied, but I thought I might be found out later which would only make the situation between our two families so hostile (now thinking about it, I probably should have just risked that). He knows roughly how far gone I am and that I am past the point of termination now.

Him thinking there was no baby I thought would be bliss, but the chances might be quite high that I get seen as I will be out and about sometimes due to having close family in the same town.

Yes I am so happy he has no legal rights now, but I am worried that as soon as the baby arrives, and he applies for a court order, he will.
He was so adamant he didn't want the baby, and I feel this is another way of him trying to admit some control over me :/ He's got no emotional attachment to the baby, it doesn't seem fair. And now I am showing, I don't even want to give him the privilege of seeing the bump (let alone the little baby when it arrives)!

It took me so long to finally block him and remove all contact.I was trying my best to make it work and sort things out, until eventually it was one time too much and I had enough. Block on all, abandoned my phone and social media. I am worried that he will show up, but I know I am moving in the near future, so it is only temporary!

I don't want to change my name unnecessarily, but if it makes it harder for him to find me/contact me/apply for a court order against me, then I will definitely do it as it will be worth it! It seems pretty drastic, but I know my own identity.

People do know about the baby now. I felt I almost had to tell people because I was bumping into people quite pregnant and it felt like a dirty secret! My family found it awkward not telling people as time went on, and I didn't like putting that on them. It was nice getting it out, but I don't trust anybody. Of course it was only a pregnancy announcement, rather than a birth announcement - so I can think twice before doing any of that!

Does the court have a duty to find you if he applies for a paternity court order? Because for them, I can imagine it being pretty easy, but for him to find me on his own accord, much harder.

Can you post to ask about the courts in the legal section?

@avocadoincident thats a good idea

OP I couldn’t forget about you was wondering if you ok and tge baby too.. im glad both of you are safe so far..hugs to you ❤️