He won't let me end it

[ItsMilkAndEggsBitch]

This might be long or not depending on how much detail I choose to go into. So apologies if I go on one.

I have long suffered with my mental health, I've been with my DP 7.5 years and we have a DD together. I've tried to end things a few times and if I'm honest a couple of them in the early days were in the moment when I was having a really strong episode of bad mental health.
I have been thinking for a while now, months really, that I feel like I will be better off living away from him in the long run. Just the usual he doesn't do his fair share of things around the house but it really affects me when things get on top of me.
The last straw was this Saturday. I had a really bad episode and asked him to come home from work. I had a really strong urge to self harm that I couldn't control. My DD(4) was downstairs and had no access to upstairs where I had taken myself. I was having a panic attack and asked him to come home and he flat out would not so it sent me off on one. I was fearing that I couldn't control the situation or my head so I callled the emergency services and the police showed up. I was in a state with my daughter and never EVER want her to see me like that but I had no choice. I was completely isolated and he just would not come and support me.
He eventually came home after the police calling him and explained the gravity of the situation to him. He took me to the crisis team and we came home after I was feeling calmer but he didn't nothing other than that. Didn't talk to me. Didn't help around the house and he knows that I can't relax when it's a mess.
We had another fight yesterday and he blew up and stormed off upstairs, this made me feel worse and has made me realise I really want to end it now.
I just don't feel like he's supporting me enough even though we've had numerous chats in the past about this

I am going to try and end the relationship tonight while DD is in bed and other than the logistics of organising the split with the house etc I know he is going to flat out say he's not letting me end it. It's what he's said in the past. I even mentioned on Saturday I think things will be better if we lived separate and he told me that wasn't going to happen. It doesn't sit right with me and I don't know how I'm going to seriously get my point across and tell him that I want to end it. I just don't know how to do it.
Can anyone help? Sorry.

@giveherhellfromus

No, there were a few posts towards the OP such as saying she was unhinged so the child should be with its father, then one saying she's so lucky to have a husband like that and would be stupid to end the relationship, a post about the implications of ending the relationship because she would lose his support!!

I absolutely agree that she needs to make sure the right things are in place going forward, by the sounds of it that is what she is trying to do.

Hey! Do you think he might not be letting you end ut because he thinks it's just the mental health talking?

Are you on meds to stabilise your moods? If not, you'll find them helpful. If you are, see if you can change them, not up the dose, change. Those mental health issues become even harder when you're by yourself as a parent, that what worries me.

My ex contributed to some of my mental health issues, so I left with our baby instead of working through the issues. A year on, I've still got MH issues and find much harder without him around (part of it is because I miss him and regret leaving). I live with my dad at the moment but I worry about when I'm on my own.

Will you have a good support network?

Also, are you mostly happy with your partner when your MH is OK? Do you still love him?

So you don't think it's sensible to make sure she has appropriate support in place when she's just written a post about how unsupported she feels and that her desperation resulted in a full blown crisis?

If that's my post you're busy misrepresenting I was picking up on the fact she felt unsupported and making suggestions to change that regardless of the relationship status. Nowhere have I suggested she should stay in the relationship in exchange for support.

Don't fucking twist what people have said.

The posts that were out of line have rightly been deleted.

I absolutely do think that she has to make sure she has the appropriate support in place.
By the sounds of it her husband is not the appropriate support she needs.

Don't you 'fucking' twist or misinterpret my posts either!!!!!!!!

You don't need his permission.

OP. Please don't justify yourself to arseholes on this thread who haven't walked a day in your life.

I'm sorry your DP wasn't there for you or his daughter, what a complete wanker.

Get your plan in place, start checking for housing and employment in the area you're wanting to move to. Check any benefits you may be entitled to.

Explain your plan and that it starts immediately. Separate rooms, separate funds, do not do anything for him anymore. No washing, no cooking. Nothing.

OP your post is very concerning and I completely agree with you that the support you are receiving for your issues is inappropriate.

Have you been assessed by a psychiatrist? It sounds as though you need a proper and thorough assessment and, depending on the reasons for the self harm eg trauma, personality disorder, anxiety etc etc You need appropriate medication, therapy and strategies in place as this roller coaster is no way to live.

I completely understand your hurt and frustration with your husband's seeming indifference at your situation and, I'm so sorry you experienced that. I'm wondering if, with the right support and help, you might find that things improve and it might be an idea to just hold off for the time being and look into making some changes first.

Make a GP appointment as soon as you can and explain what happened to your doctor and say that you don't feel as though the support you have is enough and go from there.

If you get no joy you can contact a couple of organisations who may be able to advocate on your behalf. You can learn more about what an advocate can do here: www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/rights-restrictions/rights-and-restrictions/advocacy/ and contact Rethink for advice and help on this: www.rethink.org/aboutus/what-we-do/advice-and-information-service/

In the meantime, find out what you local Crisis helpline number is so you can call them if there is another episode like that: www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-services/Crisis-support/LocationSearch/329 Here is some information from the NHS on what to do in a mental health crisis: www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/nhs-services/mental-health-services/dealing-with-a-mental-health-crisis-or-emergency/

I'm sorry but if your mental health is as bad as you say, you shouldn't be the main carer for your DD.

Self harming - you're right that you do need help and you may well need to be on your own.

But you definitely shouldn't be left alone at all with your DD and your DP needs to be responsible for her care.

@GiveHerHellFromUs 'people are more concerned about the fact that she had to call the police so that she didn't self harm in front of her 4 year old who she had sole care of at the time.
'
It's mostly just anxiety that causes people to think things like that- people think of the worst thing that can happen- doesn't mean it's at as much risk of happening as the person fears. OP has also done everything sensibly to manage her condition.

@ItsMilkAndEggsBitch You say he's not abusive, but I don't like that he's sometimes forbidden you to leave! He's making it so much hard work. Well done for taking steps to end the relationship, and for looking after yourself. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other in the direction you want to go.

Hugs and feel free to send me a PM at any time xxx

@Interestedwoman what are you talking about? Are you saying the OP was over-anxious or that we are being over-anxious?

You're wrong either way.

Surely the professionals she dealt with at the time know the correct protocol in this situation and if they deemed the daughter to be at risk they would have had to step in to make the arrangements themselves for the daughter.

The OP said they told her that she handled the situation in the right way.

I too am concerned about what your daughter could have experienced, at best she was left alone downstairs while you were very unwell upstairs. But equally, your partner didn’t act to protect her either once you’d called him to tell him how unwell you were.

My concern OP is that you seem to hope you can sort all this out, he moves out and leaves you with your daughter. I’d suggest it’s highly unlikely to be as simple as that. If he’s on the tenancy he may refuse to leave, and he may take you to court over your daughter, and if he wanted to bring up concerns over your mental health you may find yourself under the spotlight given recent events. I’m absolutely not saying you need to stay in a situation that’s making you so miserable, but you need to be very careful and also realistic about what happens next. I think you need to look at getting some legal advice.

I would also get legal advice. It is possible social services will be notified and given what you have said, your husband may end up as the primary carer, which may be for the best while you get some support in place. I also don't think it is fair to presume he should be the one to move out and it may not happen if he does end up with majority care

Whatever happens you need support outside of your husband and I would advise this even if things were good. It is possible your husband is a twat, but it is also possible he is burned out as being your main support. Have you called him at work before? We only have one side of the story and I have lived with someone with mental health issues so maybe I can see the other side a bit too.

However, whatever else happens you don't need his permission to end things.

I dated a guy like this.

One morning when just before he had to go out, I took the door keys off his keys (it locks behind you). I then packed all his stuff up, it took ages but I got it done, and dumped it all outside. I then sent a text saying it was over and his stuff was outside, and that I wasn't home, then blocked his number. I then called my best friend who was over within two minutes.

I actually stayed in my home but otherwise, he came and got his stuff and left. I kept his number blocked and that was that. He got a new girlfriend four days later and moved in the day after!

I worry that you are escalating your behaviour to push him into thinking "it's serious this time". To force a reaction? That might be your MH issues driving that behaviour - could it be?