Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do .... if anything

11 replies

Llama01 · 13/01/2020 06:42

Apologies for the long post ! I am 55 and have been married for the second time for 4 years . My 5 children have left home and 3 are living abroad. We have recently moved away from where I lived for over 30 years . My husband works away Monday to Thursday and locally at the w/e s therefore we see very little of each other as I work Monday to Friday . I am feeling lonely and isolated despite trying to meet people through a running club and inviting neighbours round for coffee . I m finding people already well established with friends and seem reluctant to want to socialise . Being very sociable I m finding this hard to deal with . My husband is not interested in socialising at all and is happy to watch tv every night and go to bed at 9 pm and doesn't feel the need for friends although on the few occasions we do go out with other people he enjoys himself . I suppose I am asking myself ' is this it now ? ' I am doubting myself constantly and even wondering if I need to end my marriage or is this the norm for most people in a long term relationship. I am even doubting my friendships as I find that if I don't contact friends/ make arrangements to meet then I don't see anyone . I am normally a positive person with a positive outlook but am really struggling at the moment .

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 13/01/2020 06:46

I think it's common for people to retreat slightly when they get over 50. I'm 47 and notice my DH's friends and mine all beginning to go to ground a bit.

You're one of those who don't want to...you just haven't found your tribe yet.

I would say though that your DH's working pattern is quite extreme. To be away most of the week and then to work all weekend is shit!

Is this changeable in the near future? Have you discussed it with him?
Keep trying to make new friends though. Have you tried a choir or drama club? They're very sociable as are rambling groups and history groups.

Musti · 13/01/2020 06:52

Why did you move and is it possible to move back? Why does your husband work 6 days a week?

Can you join some clubs to meet new people and start a local social life?

MMmomDD · 13/01/2020 06:52

OP - why did you move? And were you as lonely prior to that? Presumably your H was also traveling back then too.
So I guess I am asking if the move has made a big change and was possibly not the best thing for you. Given that H is traveling this much and isn’t social - is moving back an option?

Llama01 · 13/01/2020 06:54

Thank you for your reply . Yes his working pattern is extreme and I tried to discuss it with him last night but ended up arguing- so that didn't go well . I think I just feel lonely and have never felt that before as before we moved here I was in a village where I had lived a long time and knew lots of people so could call in to see people very easily . I ll persevere with joining clubs etc . It was a lot easier to get to know people when I had young children .

OP posts:
Llama01 · 13/01/2020 06:58

I wasn't lonely at all before we moved . We wanted to down size and have a change but actually that was not the best idea at all . We have discussed moving back and maybe that's what we ll need to do . My son gets married in Canada in July which is an expensive trip which is why my husband is working extra hours at the moment .

OP posts:
Oggden1 · 13/01/2020 07:00

My mom was like this when she retired. Now she's super busy with the doing. She's joined a walking club x 3 days and two quilting clubs and a baking club. She's mad busy now and my dad moans she's never home.
Are there any local clubs you can join a lot of villages are full of them

Llama01 · 13/01/2020 07:07

I work full time over 4 days a week but I am trying to integrate into the village . I think maybe I have to pull myself together and get on with it !

OP posts:
Sunsetsandmoons · 13/01/2020 07:13

I think it was madness to move away from somewhere you had lived for 30 years. Can you make a plan to move back in time?

baileys6904 · 13/01/2020 07:14

Volunteer! Create your own community group in something that interests you. If your area has a CVS, they may be able to help with funding and the basics of what to do. Community connectors are also a new part of tackling social isolation, paid for by the NHS. We do need people to carry on the work of the charity and voluntary sector though so do please consider that and you might actually really enjoy it xx

Llama01 · 13/01/2020 07:16

It was utter madness to move away ! Volunteering is a good move . I think I ve just gone on a downward spiral xx

OP posts:
Musti · 13/01/2020 10:37

Volunteer, join a choir/am dram/badminton/netball/cycling/walking club where you meet the same people every week and is fun.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread