Hi all,
Apologies this post may have been done 100 times. I'm just looking for some thoughts on my situation.
I have a partner of 5 years but recently , particularly at xmas we started to argue more and more. We have a 1 and a 3 yr old.
To summarise I have always had an issue with his lack of empathy. He seems to want to be around me and loving towards me when everything is good, but if we have a rocky patch it seems he has little ability to show empathy / that he is there for me in tricky situations. I have told him previously that I could really could do with someone who supports me through the rough and not just the smooth but he always comes up with excuses as to why he has acted the way he has. I have sat and thought about the main things that have really hut me over the years and have came up with this list:
- Going to the gym twice a week at night when I was a struggling first time mother.
- Asking me to sign various documents for finance in my name, and when I wanted to read them, getting annoyed about it and accusing me of holding him back. Vocally saying he would remember this when he is rich. ie. making it more difficult for him to further his aims.
- Sitting and just staring when I was haemorrhaging after my second c -section. I was terrified!
- Going back to the gym two weeks after having my second baby therefore leaving me with both to do teas, bed time etc with 2 children under 2 with just having had a c section (plus having looked after them both all day too).
- Telling me I had to pull myself together and leaving me when my second child had to have a operation and was I distressed seeing her wake up from a general anaesthetic and the hospital environment in general .
- Annoyed when I asked him to look after my second baby when I had been in hospital with her for two days and had hardly slept.
- Telling me on the way back from an abortion clinic (unplanned 3rd child which I was terrified of having after my haemorrhage with second) that he had a meeting on the Wednesday that I had booked to go back to have a pill and I ended up rearranging it because of that.
- Shouting at me and clearly resenting me for texting him on a stagdo (on the weekend) when I was due to have an abortion on the Monday.
- Allowing me to sleep downstairs on the sofa when he stayed in bed when I was pregnant and unwell.
Obviously these are various occasions over a 5 yr period but over the past few weeks we have been looking at bigger houses and I just thought, maybe it wasn't the best idea to plunge into something like this if I issues in the relationship and basically that is what I ended up telling him.
He has now left and I'm unsure if he is coming back. I am not oblivious to the fact that I am not the most easy going person in the wold but his continuous lack of empathy has worn me out. Admittedly I have been cold towards him but generally it is down to him not being warm or caring towards me. In essence I feel like I am an inconvenience to him if I am struggling with things in anyway.
I don't know if others have had experience of this type of behaviour? I have experienced it once in another relationship but in my others I can remember feeling that my partner was there for me and had my back. In this one I really don't think he has. He is a loving and caring father and I love him for that, but I can't get the resentment out of my head re the above.
Any thoughts welcome as sometimes I just feel i am overreacting.