single mum after news of being pregnant!

[littlemac2]

Hi ladies, I'd just like to find out/hear from any mums who have gone/are going through what I am!

I am around 5-6 weeks pregnant and this has caused my partner to leave me, not agreeing with having the baby (tried constantly to talk me into having an abortion). I have been faced with so many excuses from him; It's not the right time, can't I wait till he is ready, can't I wait till we are financially stable, I have ruined his life, It's not too late for an abortion, etc etc. So much so I am sickened, devastated and disappointed!

Do you ladies have any advice on staying strong and doing this alone ?

Thanks x

Sorry to hear that OP. How old are you? Do you have good family support around you?

How long were you with him? Was the baby unplanned? He's being a total cunt treating you like that, if he can do that to you when you need support most then you don't need him at all. You can do this on your own.

I haven't been alone from newborn but from 7 months. Ex was also pretty useless before then.

My top tips:
Eat when you can
Sleep when you can

Don't get pets
Keep food simple. Don't be worried about stocking up on microwave meals and oven rubbish. You just need to eat at first.
A quick shower/bath once a day saves my sanity.
Get Child Maintenance ASAP.
I found breastfeeding much easier than the idea of constant faffing with formula one handed so I'd say try if you want to.
Try to find other mums who are single or have partners that work away. Ranting to them/having them as your tag team helps so much.
As long as your fed, babies fed, and you both get some sleep, everything else can wait.
At first being alone can seem terrifying. I remember when I was first alone, I kept being convinced I'd fail completely. But I didn't. I've had hard days, exhausting days. Right now it's half ten and I still need to eat and have a bath. But I'm with my DS, and it's okay. It does get easier.

Really similar situation to you OP. Was told to have an abortion or that was it... that was it.

Best thing that ever happened to me. I was alone, left with a mortgage to pay that I couldn’t afford, in a job that I hated and in a city far from home. Moved back to be closer to family, got a new job that led to a fantastic career and brought my fantastic DD in to the world.
He has never met his daughter and I have not seen or spoke to him since I was 10 weeks pregnant. She’s now 21.

I think it was easier in many ways never having him in our lives, than having him and going through a break-up. I personally didn’t find being a lone parent hard- it was what I had always known. For me, in many ways it was easier- if I said “no”, there was no one to play me off against. No clash of parenting styles. Of course, there was a bit more work to do and I had good family support but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

My DD is everything to me. We have a close relationship and now she’s an adult she is truly my best friend. I have zero regrets.

I have no advice, just a story- all my grand plans went out of the window as soon as she was born! I do know you can do it and no matter what, will be the best Mum you can be and that’s all anyone can ask.
Good luck

Ladies who have replied above ^ THANK YOU SO MUCH! These comments were seriously a breath of fresh air! To hear that other mums have gone through this alone and are living a great little life with their kids is so refreshing!

I am 26, my partner is 21 so I can understand it was a shock to him, but he knew I wasn't taking my pill properly and he woukd often "joke" about getting me pregnant, now that it has happened it isn't so funny!

I have good support from my sister and her partner, they have a 1 year old, so they are going to help me out a lot with all of their little one's things such as baby bath, vests and babygrows, some toys etc! They are amazing in terms of support!

I'd love to hear anymore stories and keep this thread going for support, it's lovely x

Why weren't you taking your pill properly? Did you want to get pregnant?

Don't forget that there are also a lot of single mums who don't have "a great little life". Being a parent is indescribably tough and having done it WITH the support of a loving and stable partner there's absolutely no way I would ever consider choosing to do it alone.

If you do decide to go ahead (which it sounds like you have) then I would work on ensuring you have practical support in place - not in terms of getting baby clothes etc but in terms of having someone to help you look after the baby when you've had less than an hour's sleep, or you both have a stomach flu, or you have a really important meeting at work you can't miss and you need someone to pick up the baby from the childminder. You also need to start thinking about finances and how you'll get through maternity leave, and whether you'll go back to work and what childcare would cost, etc. You will be entitled to child support from your ex-partner although at 21 I imagine his salary isn't exactly massive - but regardless, he has an obligation to financially support his child if he can.

Best of luck.

Well that was a gamble that didn't pay off....how sad for your baby

I am 26, my partner is 21 so I can understand it was a shock to him, but he knew I wasn't taking my pill properly and he woukd often "joke" about getting me pregnant, now that it has happened it isn't so funny!

Well he’s not wrong...he is too young and I presume not financially stable as he says, why on earth weren’t you taking your pill properly OP?? Seriously, the mind boggles,🙄 I know it takes two to tango but you didn’t really give the poor lad a chance did you!!?? He’s 21 ffs what way did you want him to react!! You should really have known better!!

@Lipperfromchipper that’s not very fair. Both parties have been as naive as each other. If he knew that the OP wasn’t taking her pill why on earth didn’t he either stop sleeping with her or use a condom if he’s not ready for a baby!

OP - I’ve been a single parent to a small baby, it’s hard work but as long as you have support you will manage and it’s the most rewarding hard work you will ever do!

@MrsWhites I did say it takes two to tango...but I will add that going from what I know about men in general at the age of 21 They really only care about one thing in the heat of the moment!! Maybe he did use a condom??! Did he OP? I doubt not..but maybe?

I had Dd1on my own. I was only 15, still at school. He was the same age.
He refused to and anything to do with her. This family would walk by us in the street. Her mother called me a slut repeatedly.
My parents were devastated my dad was furious, my poor mum was heartbroken BUT they very supportive once dd was born.
I moved out at 18, dd was 3. My parents helped me furnish our first home and helped with childcare.
It was hard, I missed out on alot but dd was the best thing to happen to me. I later met Dh who went on to adopt dd.
It was 23years before I set eyes on the Arsehole again. He hadn't changed.

There’s lots of single mums, you wont be the first and you won’t be the last.

Hey!
I'm 30 weeks and have been single from day dot! It's a hard, emotional rollercoaster but you'll get there. Im lucky to have my family and friends for support, and I'm financially stable enough to survive. My babies dad is in the picture, pretty useless at this stage as there isn't really much a man can do in pregnancy anyway, but I'm hoping he steps up when he meets his baby, and if he doesn't then it's his loss. Just focus on getting yourself through the pregnancy, get organised for the baby and try not to rely on him for anything. I'm just treating it as, she's my baby and anything he adds to our lives is just a bonus. Good luck with your pregnancy, hopefully you have an easy one like I have!

Fgs .. how irresponsible could you be ? Good luck to your child's life chances.. but hey ! Ever mind .. YOU wanted a baby !

Hiya!

I just want to say that the feeling you may have now of anger, upset, disappointment soon disappears and you will soon realise that you can do this on your own and it will be the best thing that's ever happened to you. Time is a healer and I firmly believe this.

My husband left me at 13 weeks pregnant and the pregnancy was planned. Only married 11 months. At the start I considered getting an abortion, my mental health dipped so quickly I had awful thoughts. But you do honestly get past it. I'm now 35 weeks pregnant, absolutely in love with my bump and can not wait for what the future holds for me and my little boy.

You may not feel it now as there isn't a bump as of yet but you are going to be a mummy to your world. There is a lot of single mummies out there that can manage and so can you! You will meet someone else and your child will have a father figure to look up to but just remember you get that little bundle of joy all to yourself and you can make all the decisions.

Take care of yourself and remember it will get better Xx