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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel miserable

6 replies

Raven79 · 12/01/2020 21:02

Hello. This weekend has been rubbish and I feel miserable about it. I turned 40 last year and my family (mum, stepdad, sister, brothers and partners) organised a weekend away. I enjoyed it, but they complained about the meal which resulted in getting a refund and a free afternoon tea. My brother and his partner took my mum and stepdad, he didn't ask me. My sister is 40 this year. I feel like it's only fair to organise something, even though she's already going to the Maldives and a girly weekend to Ibiza. My mum and I found a house in Cromer on the seafront we could rent and split between us all it wouldn't cost that much. My brother at first ignored my attempts at communication, then rang and said "her husband said she doesn't want to go somewhere you've been" (I love cromer but haven't been to that house) and that it's not her thing. He wants us to take her to cenreparcs which I can't afford. I'm a single mum. All my siblings have good jobs. My brother has said that we should stay in a tree house. This involves us all sharing bedrooms and it's a lot more expensive. It's also in a field with nothing to do. I thought in cromer we could go to the beach. My brother shouted at me when I tried to reason with him. My mum has sided with him as it's easier. I feel obliged to organise something as my sister helped organise something for me, but it's expensive and I'm upset at how my brothers treated me. On a whole separate note my mum keeps commenting on pictures on my ex mother in law. This woman treated me and my daughter appallingly saying things liked I'd abused and bullied her son and spent his money. None of that is true and I'm still struggling to cope 7 years on from him abandoning me and my daughter. He dad took his life a few years earlier so it's been really hard. My mum keeps writing things like "beautiful lady" on her Facebook page. They were friends before we met but I just feel so hurt by everyone and so alone in life.

OP posts:
Raven79 · 12/01/2020 23:26

Just to add...My sister's husband has just told my brother she is fine to go away on those dates. He always said can you tell your family that she doesn't want presents for her birthday, she wants money for her holiday. I'm feeling even more annoyed.

OP posts:
lexiepuppy · 13/01/2020 04:09

Wow, your family sound as toxic and selfish as mine!

Personally I think you need to put some boundaries in place, or better still I would think about goung No Contact with them.

Book yourself the holiday to Cromer with your daughter and stick your fingers up to your family!

But that's just me!Wink

lexiepuppy · 13/01/2020 04:10

going*

katy1213 · 13/01/2020 04:28

Your sister has plenty of holidays, she doesn't need another - buy her a small present within your means for her birthday and go to Cromer with your mum. Get off Facebook and then it won't bother you if your Mum leaves gormless comments there.

Raven79 · 14/01/2020 20:10

Thank you. I've spent the last 2 days feeling really crap. I don't know why but my family just seem to think they can speak to me like rubbish. I really do need to put boundaries in place and stop being a yes person. I can't get it right even when I say yes. I'm not getting into debt for her birthday. I'll buy her what I can afford.

OP posts:
lexiepuppy · 15/01/2020 10:18

I was a people pleaser , I did so many things for my family and got walked over and used as a doormat by them.

Now I have gone NC with my for the past 2 years and I feel so much better not seeing them and dealing with the dysfunction !

Do what suits you, not what suits them!

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