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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Awkward second date - meet again?

26 replies

Conflicted1212 · 12/01/2020 19:35

After my break up a few weeks ago - 5 month relationship, where I ended it and was not too upset - matched with a guy on OLD. We had our first date last Saturday. I shall call him mr posh. It was a perfect date and gentleman. We went wine tasting, had food, talked non stop and lots of laughter. Date lasted 6 hours, not too sure I fancied him, he wasn’t unattractive, but was a bit drunk. Red flag - he works a lot and mentioned liking not needy people.

Between dates we have texted sporadically. So no rapport gained. I tend to find having a text conversation sort of helps figure out if I have things in common , but not a deal breaker.

Today was the second date. He was picking me up in his fancy car, to go for a country walk and Sunday pub lunch. Was really tired today and really wanted a sofa day alone, but food and good conversation may help the tired feeling. He picks me up and the drive had awkward conversation. We decided to not do the walk as really wet outside.

Got to the pub, and conversation still not flowing. We had a bit of a banter about some new fads. Food eaten bill paid, off we get into his car and tour of the countryside - well expensive house spotting and wish lists. Date ends and he drops me off. Said he had a great tone and would I like to go out on Thursday again?

He is a nice guy, lives a very nice life, but he works hard for it. I am more grounded, but we like the same restaurants, lifestyle etc. Am I more impressed by the proper dates, as my last partner was it a wine and dine guy - more take away and sofa.

Not too sure why it didn’t flow as well. Was it my tiredness and me not wanting to make an effort or no spark? Should I go again?

I have a date this week with mr police, we seem to hit if off more in text - but again text is not a great gauge.

Can the spark grow?

OP posts:
Justyouraveragehuman · 12/01/2020 19:41

I’d say give him another few dates OP, he seems lovely and knows how to treat a lady from the types of dates he’s taken you on!

gobbynorthernbird · 12/01/2020 19:43

I wouldn't bother. You don't fancy him and it doesn't sound like there's and spark between you.

Confused866 · 12/01/2020 19:44

It might have just been because you were tired but to be honest if you’re not feeling it then I’d listen to your gut! Maybe give it one more date but if you’re still not enthusiastic then let it go? Have you kissed yet?

bigchris · 12/01/2020 19:47

Could he be married hence him warning you he's busy a lot and not much texting ?

sonjadog · 12/01/2020 19:49

I would give it one more date and see. The first date went so well that I would give it another chance to see if today was just you not being in the mood, or if you just don't fancy him after all.

Glitterb · 12/01/2020 19:50

I would give him another chance, like you said you were tired today.

Conflicted1212 · 12/01/2020 19:51

Not kissed. Don't know if I want to. I can’t make up my mind if I was tired or him. He wants to cook for me, saying it will give us a bit more time to get to know each other. He is a nice guy and really knows how to date. But I think our worlds are different.

He is posh and I think lived a privileged life. Me normal life. Not too sure I feel poor in comparison. I have a good wage, professional job, reasonably intelligent. But I live in the poorer part of town and was a bit embarrassed when he came to pick me up. This normally doesn’t bother me, as I love my area. But something felt off

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 12/01/2020 19:53

I think given you were tired he deserves a third date.

Fatted · 12/01/2020 19:57

'Wanting to cook for you' would say to me he wants you round his house for a shag. Especially with it being the third date.

In all honesty OP, if the spark isn't there and the conversation wasn't flowing, I wouldn't bother. This is the time when you want to be getting to know each other. If it's awkward and forced, then just call it a day.

Don't bother with Mr police either. In my experience, he is probably married and an arse hole.

emilybrontescorsett · 12/01/2020 19:58

Of see both Me Posh & Mr Police. Don't spend too long on the date with Me Posh, set a time limit and tell him you have lots of things to do.

sonjadog · 12/01/2020 20:02

I wouldn't write him off because he is posh. Would you be okay if he wrote you off because of where you come from?

Don´t persuade yourself into going if you really don't want to. If you think you might like him, I would give it another go on Thursday. Even just meet up for a drink instead of going to his place if you would prefer. Meet up with the other guy as well.

Conflicted1212 · 12/01/2020 20:04

I don’t get the impression he wants to shag. It won’t be happening anyway. 3rd date is normally my time to pounce, but at mine. Cant see him coming round. He had a new kitchen fitted and enjoys cooking. That’s what clicked between us.

Why would mr police be married? He seems nice on text.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 12/01/2020 20:07

Don't bother with Mr police either. In my experience, he is probably married and an arse hole. but of projection there

Feelingabitashamed · 12/01/2020 20:09

With Mr Posh, I'd give him another chance but wouldn't do an at-home date just yet.

Obviously you're never obliged to have sex but it does sort of set the tone for it. It might feel more awkward having to say 'no thanks' to that than maybe giving it a few drinks at a bar or an activity that breaks the ice a bit and leaving after if not feeling it.

This would mean you thinking of an alternative suggestion.

Feelingabitashamed · 12/01/2020 20:10

Cross post!

bettertimesarecomingnow · 12/01/2020 20:13

He does sound nice, I would see him again.

If you want to get married however don't waste your time on Mr Police. However nice he seems the job will always come first and you will spend the majority of your life at home alone raising the kids.

I've just separated from my Mr Police....can you tell?!!

bobstersmum · 12/01/2020 20:14

Another date definitely, he sounds nice! You've nothing to lose

user1493413286 · 12/01/2020 20:17

I’d see him again as I suspect your mood may have meant the date wasn’t so good

Conflicted1212 · 12/01/2020 20:27

Yeah my mood was not up to dating today. I am going on another date tomorrow with mr Irish. Forgot about that one. He was someone I matched with and went on a few dates ages ago - timing not right. Meet ex just after. We randomly bumped into each other last week and agreed to go to dinner.

Mr posh works ridiculous hours too. I think I have dating fatigue. But need to explore. You never know when my right comes along

OP posts:
sonjadog · 12/01/2020 20:40

Three dates with three different men in a week does sound exhausting. I'm not sure I would have the stamina for that.

Conflicted1212 · 12/01/2020 20:49

I know. I try to get offline as soon as I feel conversation flows and they seem normal. That way I can see if there is a spark. Saves the endless messages. This is unusual and I have a big spot on my face!

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 12/01/2020 20:57

why bother with an ex, OP? with all the other choices? could it be you still want him and that's why not really in the mood for dating?

Conflicted1212 · 12/01/2020 21:11

No. Mr Irish was nice. Just not right time. If anything, he was a nice guy and friendship can come.

The 5 month ex not really upset about. Bit annoyed I let it continue for that long. Keep comparing all the nice things Mr posh does in comparison to the rubbish dates of ex.

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 12/01/2020 22:24

ah right, just wasn't clear why the ex was still in the picture!

Olivia22 · 12/01/2020 22:35

Give it time, keep it casual and also keep your options open. Nothing wrong with dating around and having fun!