Rude or socially awkward ?

[Trixie120]

I've had a date with a guy I saw him arrive literally 1 minute before I did, I walked in and he was already sat there with a beer. He didn't get up to greet me just stayed sat where he was, didn't offer to get me a drink and had already got one even though he arrived a minute before me. When I said I was going to get one he just said ok.

He had also suggested his regular, and he said he had just come from the gym, he was in jeans and a top but looked very sweaty.

He seemed friendly enough, we just had some general chit chat about work and free time etc. But didn't feel it at all.

He seemed a little socially unaware, and not saying that in a nasty way at all, just something seemed a little 'off' socially. He was pleasant but don't plan to see him again. I wonder if he was just unaware of little things like that on a date.

Would you expect a guy on a first date to buy you a drink/get up to greet you or at least wait until you arrive, or am i just being old-fashioned ?

I would have left! Where are his manners?

You are not being old fashioned at all, he sounded like he made no effort at all, yuk!

Yeah, he was just a little 'off'. He didn't really make a lot of effort no !

Surely getting a drink when he arrives is sensible - he had no idea how long you were going to be?!

I would expect a date to get up and say hi and offer to get me a drink though.

You are not being old-fashioned, and even if you are, those actions (or lack of them) tell you quite a bit about this bloke; none of it good.

I'd texted him saying I was on my way so he knew I was almost there, yeah I just couldn't believe he didn't even get up !

Meeting at his local would have put me off!

He turned up dirty and sweaty for a date? Absolutely no self standards at all. I wouldn’t expect someone to turn up in a tux but at least have a fucking wash and put some clean clothes on.

Yeah, just no originality or thought gone into it. Turned up in some scruffy old black t-shirt and jeans with his gym bag in tow. I really need to have higher standards !

If I'd arrived earlier, even if I knew my date was on the way, I too would have bought a drink. Sitting on your own in a pub/bar can a be daunting, and having a drink gives you something to do while you wait.

Rude not to get up and greet you, but maybe there are other issues. Has he mentioned any learning issues? Autism, ADHD or Aspergers? My brother has one of these and although 'normal' in most ways, he finds social interaction tricky and to others, can come across as being rude. Even in his late 20's, he struggled to know what social 'norms' there were, and wouldn't see any problem with arriving on a date in old work clothes and work boots!!!

I agree that I'd normally expect someone to offer me a drink, but again, in my brothers case, this wouldn't occur to him. Another thought is that with so many movements like 'me too' and women being independent, maybe he didn't want to take over by getting you a drink and being the 'man'.

Hard to say really. Who paid for the meal?

Yes I see what you mean, I did wonder something like autism maybe. We didn't have a meal, just drinks, the thing is that he didn't even have time to sit with his drink because he had literally bought it 20 seconds before i arrived and i had told him id be there in one minute. It's like he didn't have the thought process to think maybe wait a minute.

So he knew you were on the way and just got himself a drink. He's tight.

He bought it quickly so he wouldn’t need to ask whether you wanted one. He may well have been worrying about the protocol of who offers who a drink.

He knew if he waited he would have to ask what you were having and offer to pay and you may have let him

How did you arrange the date?

We met on Bumble. Yeah maybe it was that ! Not asking the guy to arrive in a tuxedo with flowers and champagne, but when they make zero effort for the first date it's really not a good sign.

Would you want a date with someone who made zero effort. I think this is probably social ineptness but I wouldnt want to be around it.

Social ineptness sounds like a very good description of how he was.

Or is it ineptitude !

Why is the answer to every single mumsnet post ‘they’re autistic’ 🙄

Does it matter whether it was rudeness or social awkwardness? It’s behaviour you don’t like on a first date so that’s the end of it surely?

I think not making an effort is disappointing.
Maybe he thinks you can see beyond the surface glitz . Who knows?

Agree with above if you didn’t enjoy it and something was off then don’t meet again

Because nothing is anyone's fault any more.

I’d find those things rude from a friend or casual acquaintance, never mind a date.