We've been together six years, married three. Have a one year old daughter.
From the beginning there were some issues but think we both convinced ourselves there was a specific cause that could be fixed. All of the causes have been fixed though, and we still just can't get on.
When he's annoyed he says the most hurtful things. He says it's stuff he doesn't mean in the heat of the moment and because he says that, he expects me just to forget about it but it all eats away at me. We have such different opinions but according to him any opinion different to his is stupid, meaning that rather than have good conversations about our differing views i just avoid talking about anything we might have different opinions on because i can't be arsed with the resulting conversation, inevitable argument because he's so dismissive.
I'm not perfect either, not by any means I'm not saying he's the only one ever in the wrong. I'm too quick to lose my temper and rely too much on the opinions and praise of others for my self worth.
I think we've both reached the point where we don't want to be together but neither want to be the one to make that final decision, to be the bad guy.
From my perspective, I'm not sure that the unhappiness I'll feel from sharing custody of my gorgeous girl will be outweighed by the relief of not being in an unhappy relationship. I can't imagine not spending every day with her.
I also met someone at work, back in May. From the first time we met I've been so preoccupied with him. We have so much in common and all the things that i wish were different about my husband, i see in him. This isn't an affair, we don't talk outside of work, never messaged each other, we don't even have each others numbers he doesn't know how i feel, there's no suggestion of anything happening it's all completely in my head. To be honest I'm not sure if actually I'm only preoccupied with him because I'm so unhappy with my husband. I feel like spending time with someone who on the face of it is so much of a better fit for me is clouding my thinking. Is it less about him and more just that he's highlighted how incompatible me and my husband are. I'm fully aware that a) my feelings for him are ridiculous given how little we actually know each other and b) he likely isnt the perfect person I've made him in my head. Is he just an escape in my head from my current situation.
I've got no idea what to do for the best. I firmly don't believe in staying together for kids, i believe role modelling healthy relationships is more important than having parents that are together and i feel like I'm letting her down by staying in this relationship. But at the same time, it breaks my heart to think of sharing her and not always being there for her. That she might have a bad day and i won't be there to give her a cuddle, or not having her for christmas, birthdays etc. If we broke up, i would want him to have fair access because she deserves a good relationship with her dad and he is a lovely daddy. He adores her.
Financially neither of us can afford to stay in our house if we split.
He shows no emotion when we talk about stuff and it honestly feels like he wouldn't care if we weren't together. As much as I'm unhappy it would still break my heart that we couldn't work. He shows very little affection full stop, including rarely wanting sex which is one of the biggest issues we have.
He's refused counselling.
Thanks and well done if you've read this far.
I don't know what I'm asking, or if I'm asking anything. I'm just lost and don't know what to do, and hoping that writing it down will help. Whilst people know snippets about our problems, no one knows the full situation.
I just feel like a prize knobhead, like I've sleepwalked in to this situation and should have known better, and because I've been so irresponsible, now one way or the other my innocent baby will be suffering and i can't bare that.