How do you forgive / let go / move on?

[Ginandtonic4all]

So I have been divorced for 2 years or so. Ex and I were together for 22 years, the marriage mutually went bad but came to an end due to ex's gambling and affair.

The thing I can not move on from or forgive is the fact that he spent all his proceeds from selling our home on holidays, fancy clothes and living when not working.etc. He Lost his job and has been unable to get a new one. He refuses to do anything for under £50,000 - his usual salary was about £70,000. Anyway this meant that he has paid nothing in Child maintnece for two years. But continues to live a good life supported by his GF.

He has just got a new job and has agreed to pay the minimum set by CSA.

He has just posted a picture of a £1300 new watch on Instagram and I am so angry.

Resentful that he has lived a lovely stress free life supported by his GF. Spent about £100k on himself and left me to pay for everything for DD. Now I am fortunate in that I earn enough to do this. It's hard and means long hours away from DD (she is 15 so doable but not ideal).

I want to not care. I want to not feel anything. This anger is horrid and I want revenge - not something I morally want to do but emotionally I do.

How can I let it all go?

Apologies for the long post. I hadnot realised how much Resentment I am still holding on to.

Well, stop looking at his Instagram and reduce any sort of contact with him. You can't drive yourself nuts over what he does if you don't know about it.

Your dd is 15, so can manage much of the access stuff herself. There's not really much reason you need to be engaging with him at all.

Block him, and just stop thinking about him. Karma will bite him in the bum just when he's least expecting it.

I do minimum contact. And I hadn't realised we were connected on Instagram - I have now unfollowed.

It is true - minimise my triggers is a way of reducing experiencing the negative feelings.

But I really just want not to feel them at all. Maybe that's just not the human way.

You're bound to feel pissed off and it is unfair.

But you're not a nob-end and you've always done your best by your dd, and he always will be and hasn't.

It is also only 2 years since the divorce, and after 22 years, there's bound to be some recovery time. But bitterness and dwelling on it won't do you any good.

Plan some good things for yourself to look forward to, maybe do a few sessions with a counsellor, perhaps burn his effigy.