I don’t know whether I want to see him again

[Maiahee]

Background: been on four dates with a guy since late November. I don’t fall for people that easily but thought he seemed nice and we had things in common. Saw each other leas over the Xmas period as both away but he was driving it forward and seemed interested. Last date went to his, missed and cuddled but nothing happened as I wasn’t ready, he offered for me to stay though. I do like him although would like to take it slow.

Issues: we’ve had a bit of a hiccup in that something weird came out about his past which freaked me out (nothing awful just a sticking point) - to his credit, he has apologised and has said he’s changed, he regrets doing it. Basically some lad banter out of context. I said fine but it’s been a week now since we’ve seen each other and I feel like momentum has been lost. Added to this I haven’t had a serious relationship yet (I’m mid 20s) although not Inexperienced and nervous I am a slight commitment phobe... help please

Depends what he said really. Can you share it?

Depends what he said/ did

I’ve shared it on here before, basically a really ignorant joke. Consensus was that if it was a long time ago and banter between friends it was ok. I called him out on it and he said he knew it was inappropriate, he’s not that guy and he really wanted to see me again. He also said he wanted to always be open and honest with me

Was this the racist "joke" or the rape "joke"?

Presumably you're not telling us because you know people will challenge you for minimising it.

Ohwheniknow- yes. No that’s not true, I didn’t want to be outed as under a different name but I guess you’ve done that for me now! I’m happy to share but don’t want to give full context as it’s identifying.

I have actually showed all friends and family who are erring on the give him a chance line of thought. So I don’t think I’m minimising, my initial reaction was dump

I think if you don’t know if you want to see someone again the answer is NO tbh, if you wanted to see someone you wouldn’t have doubts.

Move on to the next.......

Pinkheart - agreed but I am quite anxious and always have doubts. Equally a commitment phobe and takes me a while to be comfortable with people

Is this the one where you looked back at his social media and found a racist comment from seven years ago?

I remember your last thread and I was not sure he was really at fault, another friend wrote it and his friend who it was about was of that ethnicity so looked like it had the potential to be an injoke between them.

Does sound like he's not so interested at this stage, sorry, I also didn't realise you'd only been on a couple of dates with him before you went through his face book.

Bluntness; hmm he seems very interested, he keeps asking when I’m next free and suggesting date ideas. He also apologised profusely and said he hoped I could give him a chance

The week break was on my side - we were supposed to see each other a couple of days ago but I asked for a few days as had some commitments and also wanted some breathing soacev

Context is relevant if you want sound advice.

Because it was so long ago I'd be inclined to give him a chance - I've said some idiotic things in my time that I'd be horrified to hear someone say now but people to get older and wiser and educate themselves more and become less ignorant.

Only you can decide what to for the best though, go with what your instinct is telling you.

OP without even asking, I'm going to say if it worried you this much, then dump.

If you've checked with others and there's no words that you might have misunderstood - e.g. like that "smug" incident the other day! - then your gut instinct is right.

Possibly.......... but at the same time you do sound very high maintenance.