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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

32 week preg and Unsupportive husband

3 replies

marie98 · 11/01/2020 12:12

Heya all. I’m 32 weeks preg with a toddler of 2 year. I’ve moved here in UK and its been 3 years. I spent most of the time of my first preg with my family in my home country and 3 months before delivery i came in here and started living with my husband.

Ever since that day with my first preg he was not that much supportive as i was expecting him to be. He used to pinpoint housechores and used to criticize me on different things. Even when we used to fight he left me crying for hours and hours even in my last month. Anyways my toddler was born and he was my birth partner as there was no one else. After two weeks i flew back to my parents and stayed with them for 3 months.

Since then over relationship is always like this ... arguing, fights, criticism. But still i managed to satisfy him in all the ways i could. He wanted to have second baby so i agreed to it knowing that how much its gonna be diff for me with a toddler and no one else here in UK.

From the day my preg started i had many issues like acid reflux and basic preg problems. At that time i realized i was doing all this because of him. And all he was doing at that time for always saying me look at the house look at our son. Why you have been doing all day. You don’t do anything except sleeping.

Today i am 32 weeks preggers so heavy and so in pain all over my body. Everynight i sleep i am not able to change side bcz of pain in all over my body. I have to do all house chores, look after my toddler all day long, cook food and whatsoever i can do.

Still whenever i asks him for a favour like to give bath to my toddler or make his bottle. He starts criticizing that what i do all day long and he’s been obeying my orders since forever. And it just breaks my heart that why don’t he realize how much i’m suffering with still i am trying to do my best.

I can’t bring it all to my family or any of my friends. Have anyone been through the same situation? How they managed?

OP posts:
ohwheniknow · 11/01/2020 12:20

I'm sorry he's abusing you.

Caring for his own child is not "doing you a favour".

This won't get better.

32 week preg and Unsupportive husband
pusspuss9 · 11/01/2020 17:22

Do you have anybody in real life that can give you support and help?

Is there any chance of any of your family coming over to help you?

12345kbm · 11/01/2020 17:39

OP, I'm wondering why you chose to have a second child with him knowing how he treated you with the first one?

It seems like such a strange decision given that you had to go and live with your parents for three months after the first birth because of his appalling behaviour. It doesn't seem as though his behaviour gave you any reason to expect it to be different the second time around.

Abusive men like to have power and control. You are vulnerable when you are pregnant and abuse often kicks in around that time. Abusive men when questioned in perpetrator programmes, often cite pregnancy as when they can really step up the abuse because they have their feet under the table.

They often talk about their partners in demeaning terms physically and use it as an excuse to start cheating if they haven't already, citing her weight gain or stretch marks. They are incredibly dehumanising when talking about their partners.

He will continue to criticise and abuse you. He will continue to want you pregnant as it ties you to him and gives him more power over you. It lessens your 'status' as he may become the main earner, treats you like a servant, expects you to run around after him and the children.

Please don't have anymore children with this man as he is a despicable human being and he will make a terrible father. Don't bring anymore children into this relationship.

You are never going to change him because he is abusive and this is what he does. His behaviour will get worse over time, not better.

You need to work out how to get away from him in a manner that doesn't put you or your children at risk. I understand that you are heavily pregnant and that makes things difficult, however, you can still make plans now.

Please get out OP. Get some help and support, contact your parents, tell friends, relatives, anything. Get out of there.

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