Am I the one in the wrong?

[bekkaboot]

I would like people's opinion on this as I'm very upset and confused by the situation! I recently worked for a company on a freelance basis and worked in their office twice a week. I made some really good friends and I became very close to one lady in particular. We texted every single day and chatted about everything and anything. I really felt like she understood me. Anyway, my contract came to an end in December and my boss said I could come back when they are busy again or if there were any gaps in resources.

My friend has recently taken time off sick for stress and anxiety and I've supported her through this. She is taking another three weeks off work and I thought it might be a good idea to contact my ex boss to see if he needed any help while she is off. I wanted to run this by her before I contacted him, but when I explained what I was going to do, with her consent, she cut off from me. I did explain that I wouldn't get in touch with them if she didn't want me to, or if she felt like I was stepping on her toes. She is refusing to speak to me and won't pick up the phone or answer any texts. It feels like the end of the friendship and I feel like I have messed up. Was I in the wrong? Did I handle this insensitively? What can I do to make it up to her and repair the friendship??

Personally I thought it was a little insensitive, even with her permission. It would have come across like you’re vying for her role and thinking more of the loss to the business than what she is currently going through. You may know in your own head that’s not the case, but it’s how it looks.

Talk about jumping in her grave, you were well out of order! She must be feeling shit as it is that's something you just don't do sorry. I'd say the friendship is over.

No actually you were not in the wrong. You haven't taken her job, just filling in the work whilst she isnt there. It will have to be done by someone wouldnt it, why not you?
You also asked her before doing so, which was very considerate of you.
I think leave her to it. Shes Obviously taking out her issues on you.

Yes the work may have to be done by someone, but it’s up to the company to sort that out and organise a temp. As her friend, it just looks like an attempt to get the role due to her sickness, no matter how well intentioned.

Good friend who trusts you enough to discuss her mental health with you which is notoriously hard (so hard that it often ends lives) and is struggling with anxiety? You have essentially used the info for your own gain. Yes OP I think you know what you've done means you have messed up.

They are now probably at home stressing twice as much with their anxiety telling them they will lose their job to you if they don't get better asap or feeling increasingly rubbish about their self worth. Mental health is no joke and cutting contact is a classic sign that the person is struggling to cope and can't face what is happening is embarrassed etc. I wouldn't attribute it all to simply them being annoyed at you for what you did to be honest, though it may be (nobody here knows her).

Could you not pop round or write to her? Would you take her job if offered it?

I think you need to treas more carefully OP and attempt to understand what it is like to be suffering with anxiety and how bad she mist be feeling.

You did nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty for. You asked her first and instead of being mature and saying I’d rather you didn’t she’s just cut you off. I can’t fucking stand people who can’t just say what they’re feeling. Its not like you were trying to steal her job you were just temporarily covering.

I don't think you did anything wrong by asking her but she is feeling very vulnerable and was upset by it.
After all, if someone else was off sick you wouldn't know about it unless the office asked you to cover.
So this does look like you hopng to take advantage of your friend's difficulty.

@44restingbitchface30 I cannot fucking stand adults who have no idea how mental health affects people. It how somebody can use someone's ill health to their advantage, but hey ho.

Typos are the bane of my life right now.
restingbitchface30
Or* not it

I don't think you were wrong per se but I guess she feels like you were trying to steal her job.
I think I'd have contacted the managed with out asking your friend because you could have just said they called you to cover

Horehound, that's a really silly idea.

If OP had done that, it's really likely that the friend would find out when she got back to work that OP had contacted them then lied about it.