Can't get over being cheated on

[Trixie120]

My ex who I thought really cared about me cheated on me, and basically just left me for her.
The girl also had a partner so they both cheated and chucked their partners to get together.
Several months later they are still together and I'm still in pieces.
Everything was great between me and him, or so I thought,it was still early days and the honeymoon period. He just met someone he liked more.
2 days before he cheated (I believe it was then) he was telling me that he couldn't believe he had met me and saying he was almost in tears, what a joke.
He had no red flags whatsoever, I honestly thought he was the sweetest guy I had ever met.
They got so much congratulations and likes on their social media account, even though she had just cheated on someone else (don't think everyone knew about me though) which I find disgusting.
Everyone has told me the usual he's a prick, forget him, he's not worth it, move on.
They're right, but I think about him every day, and I know I miss what I thought he was, not what he is.
I feel so depressed and can't go on with this pain. I've barely had any contact with him since I told him I never wanted to see him again. He doesn't care though, he's got her.
I have 2 jobs, hobbies and a busy life, but nothing helps. I have to take sleeping pills to get to sleep now, being at work helps but in the evenings I just feel down because of it.
I cannot summon up interest for any other guy. This also happened to me about 5 years ago in a similar scenario, I haven't had much luck with men in general.
Any advice, I know time helps but it's been nearly 5 months, sick of feeling depressed.

I'm so sorry OP... this makes for very cruel reading.. just wanted to say.. please be kind to yourself and I hope you find peace soon

Don't look at their social media. You can see the doctor to get some anti depressants to help you through the next part of your healing if you're struggling. Counselling? There probably were red flags but don't be hard on yourself if you didn't notice them. Read why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft to help you spot any red flags in the future. He's just a man. And a shit man at that with no morals, so take off those rose tinted spectacles and every time you start to think about him just tell yourself"I don't fucking think so. I've got better things to think about than that tosspot". Good luck you can do this

Its hit you hard. That's ok you're human and you loved him and this hurts. You may be a little depressed and perhaps a trip to the GP will help, something...channel to lift you up so you feel happier and able to socialise again.

Then get out there...there are so many lovely men in the world....don't let a few bad experiences put you off.

I feel you sister! 🙋‍♀️ I had a very similar thing happen to me, right under my nose, and I'd just had his baby. It's been a year and I'm still traumatised by it all. I'd be lying if I said I don't love him anymore, but I don't want him back. Just thank God you didn't have kids with him!

@RLEOM i'm so sorry 😔😔 i'm glad you don't want him back, I hope you manage to forget feelings for him too.
Thank you so much. I just feel like the universe is unfair sometimes. The lying cheats get to be happy and the nice decent people get treated like dirt, there's no logic.
I think a trip to the GP will be a good idea, sometimes you just need that extra bit of help.
I'll do my best to stop looking at social media. Every time she puts a photo on he has to 'love' it on Facebook, he's just a child.
I am looking at him through rose-tinted glasses for sure. Everyone said he seemed so lovely and they were just so shocked at this. He was just showing me who he truly is.

Is he happy though? They may be posting amazing photos to make they're life look amazing, but who doesn't? My kids shit on the floor twice on Monday and I wasn't going to post that on Instagram! Instead I posted pics of them playing. Photos aren't always the truth. We create a fake world view of our lives so other people by into our own bullshit.

Block them on social or even take a break from it. Honestly you're mood will prob go up tenfold if you take a break.

Go speak to a GP and get a mental health care plan in place. It sounds like you've had a tough break and you need to be kind to yourself.

That's true. They have posted things though it's mainly her, but they haven't posted anything for a while.
I will try and stay off social media a bit. I have had a tough break and I lost a few people last year. I have felt suicidal and wondering what i've done to deserve such bad luck, i've never cheated on anyone, i'm a very kind and charitable person.

The people posting all that guff usually don’t have the best relationship, anyway looking at it is torturing yourself. He has shown you what apiece if work he really is and think you got off the hook lightly, he could have done when you were married or had children and then you would have been stuck with him.

Keep on going and meeting people, I had some frogs before I met my dh.

Yeah at least he didn't do it when I had any sort of ties to him. What hurts is that when I confronted him he said he really liked me but only as a friend and wanted to stay in touch, even though he had been telling me that emotional crap days before. I told him he could go to hell.
Thought i'd met the one in him. I will try and put myself out there, it's crazy how are able to get together knowing theyre both liars and cheats, how can they trust each other.

The thing is, they won't be able to trust each other and I suspect one of the reasons she's posting all the gushy claptrap on social media is to convince herself (and him) that all is well in their little bubble.

How long were you both together? I hope you feel better soon.

People post that kind of crap on social media when they are trying to prove something. ‘Look how happy and in love we are!’....it reeks of insecurity.

Also, they both know each other is capable of lying, cheating and sneaking around so how will they ever feel secure in the relationship?

You dodged a bullet! Block their social media and focus on your own life, doing things you enjoy and working on your own happiness.

Op. How long were you together?

4 months so still early days but long enough to develop strong feelings. They probably don't care that the other party cheated/dumped someone else and I know i've dodged a bullet but still hurts.
I'm really scared of bumping into them even though we live in a massive city.

for you, Trixie. It's not surprising you feel bad after having been with him so long. It will pass but take time. Don't rush into a new relationship just to boost your self esteem, that won't work. Pace yourself. Try to enjoy yourself with friends (but don't go on about your failed relationship).

None of this is your fault, relationships do end but he is mean to post anything on social media, so is she. It's far too early for them to be rejoicing, they've hurt two people (send him round to me and I'll give him a kick in the goolies).

She actually posted a photo of him and her on the night they got together (I believe) whilst she was still with her other boyfriend.
He put a photo of him and her on social media 4 days after I confronted him. They are so callous !

Thank you 💐

I think that if it had not been going well I would have understood more, but he seemed crazy about me, he literally just met someone he thought was better.

Like @RLEOM Said just thank your stars you don't have a child with him so you don't have to ever deal with him again. The same thing happened to me seven years ago and I haven't been able to trust any man to have a relationship with and they are still together. It took time to stop loving him and accept they are probably best suited than we were and we still have to be in each other's lives because of our dc although I would have preferred we weren't linked. You will get over him with time

@maginachevalier I am so sorry. I totally understand what you mean, it really does destroy your trust :( they are probably better suited because they are lacking in morals, just like my ex and the girl.
I told myself that this happened to me because he wasn't nice enough, he isn't a good man and this is why this happened, so he can meet his equal.

I have just blocked him, he's a loser. The fact that he changed his profile picture to him and her 1 week after me and him were finished shows how little he cared and how callous he is.
No point pining for this idiot anymore. He's not a nice person and I hope ill forget all about him soon.

Good luck 💐💐

Thank you :)

there is better out there for you OP.. I'm sure

I wouldn't want to be with someone who I met whilst they were cheating on their partner so neither will ever fully trust each other. Doesn't sound like such a fantastic relationship now does it OP? Plus he wasn't being sincere with you when he was cheating was he? This is a temporary blip. One day you'll suddenly realise that you've not thought about him for a while. This will get better. Let it go and move on. Sending a hug.

Very similar thing happened to me 6 months ago, they're still together and probably super happy....I don't look at this social media so i dont know but can only guess 🙄
It's shit that decent people are made to feel so awful yet they can swan off being all loved up without so much as a glance at the mess they left behind.
I've never been hurt as much as that and it's been such a struggle but I am slowly getting there. Doubt I will trust anyone 100% again though!