What are some red flags, when dating?

[creaturcomforts]

I broke up with my husband a year ago, after 15years of marriage and am thinking of giving up completely as ex was very controlling, emotionally unavailable and was content with me working myself to death!

I've only seen just how bad it was after the breakup although I knew it was bad, I was too busy and stressed to deal with things and he gaslighted a lot, he was extremely nasty when he left and that side of him I didn't know existed.

I no longer trust my judgment and feel the safe option is to not date and be on my own, it is great having things my own way for the first time!
But in future I would like to date.

Just wondering as I feel so scared about dating what would be considered to be some red flags that would put you off someone early on?

Speaking disparagingly about his ex
Not having access to his children
Excessive drinking or drugs
You have a gut feeling about him
Lovebombing - look at the Rosie Duffield speech

So many!
But will start with one that stands out;
Talks about women and ex'es in a negative way, putting them down, saying they were 'crazy', always their fault and he's always the victim.

Treating staff in coffee shops / bars / restaurants as lesser humans.

You can download a graphic here;
freedomprogramme.co.uk/docs/dominator-mr-right.pdf

Red flags of abusive relationships;
newdirectionsshelter.org/red-flags-of-abusive-relationships/

Quick Involvement, love bombing - they want to make sure of you fast.

They become jealous, controlling and want to isolate you.

Hypersensitive, reads anything as criticism
Blaming - they dont take responsibility. Everything is someone else's fault. Blames Others for Problems. Blames Others for Feelings

Disrespectful or Cruel to Others

Rigid Sex Roles and expectations of your behaviour.
Unrealistic Expectations - they demand perfection from you, they minimise their own behaviour.

Use of coercion and force - sulking, guilt trips, claiming other people do X and if you don't you aren't normal.
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, outbursts of anger, breaking things usually yours.
A history of abusive behaviour, especially if he takes no responsibility, shows no contrition, hasn't taken anger management or completed any therapy.

Deflecting criticism.
Blaming others.

Odd use of device - using it in your presence a bit too much or often being out of charge/signal.
Not being available other than via whatsapp or kix

Not introducing you to friends and family.
He works near you but he goes home at the weekend - might have a partner and DC there that you don't know about.

Separated but not divorced. Might not be separated.