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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thursday.

4 replies

Sierratangoed · 09/01/2020 20:35

DH is great in many ways domestically. During the christmas hols he more than did his share. When we are not working, he treats the home tasks as equals and does his share. It has taken a long time to get to this point.

When we are both working, I feel like he takes advantage of the fact that I am.at home more than him. There is one day every working week where I feel incensed with pure frustration and rage. Thursday.

I work a 2.5 day week out of the house and 3-4 evenings every week from home, he works Mon-Fri 8-5ish with some late nights here and there, maybe 2 a month. On the day I am not at work I am with our young dcs/ doing school runs etc.

I do not get much down time as I am either working or with the dcs both evening and day time.

On Thursdays, I work a long day until around 6pm. DH has to do all nursery pick ups etc on this day (just once a week as I do the rest) and cooks on this day (again, I do it the rest of the time).

And every Thursday once DCs are in bed, he just clocks off for the evening leaving jobs to do downstairs. It is one of the few evenings each week where I get a bit of downtime, but he just runs himself a bath as soon as DCs are down and leaves the shit downstairs to me. He has downtime most other evenings of the week and plays a hobby.

I have spoken to him about this calmly 2-3 times and asked him to help me clear up, lost my shit about it probably 5 times and this evening, completely lost the plot about it and I have thrown stuff at him as soon as I heard that sodding bath start to run.

He says "i don't get what your problem is" and I have fucking told him until I am blue in the face. Take-the-piss-thursdays are getting me down. He works v hard, but he doesn't get SO DO I and he thinks that because he's been left with the kids and preparing a meal, he doesn't need to do much else.

I'm not even sorry for throwing the washing at him and for wacking him with a towel, he's driving me insane with this. I work Sunday afternoon and evening, DCs and school runs Monday, work Monday evening, DCs and school runs Tuesday and swimming lessons, work Tues evening, work all day Wed until 5.30, work all day Thurs until 5.30-6.00 and manage to put together a shopping list and meal.plan for the following week during my lunch break. He just needs to order it online one evening a week which is like pulling teeth! So by Thursday evening, I am desperate to switch off from work and everything else!
Is there anyway I can spell out to DH that I need more support than I am getting here? I am getting to a point where I just want to punch him hard the more he blatantly ignores me.

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 09/01/2020 21:50

Its infuriating I know - the reality of women’s lib and having our own jobs/lives is we still have to do everything else as well! It sounds as if your working hours are just as many as his?

Can you agree a plan? Can you have a night ‘off’ another night instead?

Capricornandproud · 09/01/2020 21:52

That would drive me fucking INSANE. But also, your working hours and trying to work from home with kids would also have me climbing the walls to be honest.

How many kids do you have and what ages? I would absolutely have gone apeshit tonight too!!!!

Whynosnowyet · 09/01/2020 21:53

Take away Thursday and he pays...

Sierratangoed · 09/01/2020 22:23

I am starting to question if this working from home business is worth it. I think he just thinks I'm pottering about in the spare room taking the piss whilst he sees to DCs etc.
I used to work Mon-Wed (fulldays) but changed my hours up so that we could avoid before and after school clubs and an extra day of nursery fees. I thought this balance would work better for DCs (I get to do school drop off every day) and for our finances but DH can not alter his mindset to see me as "working" when I'm working from home in the evening.
If he could just alter his mindset, the balance could work. But I just feel put on and taken advantage of. I don't stop during the week and then find myself crashing at weekends.

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