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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Intrusive thoughts destroying things

5 replies

Sinead777 · 09/01/2020 19:03

Hi, I was going to post this under mental health but I actually think it's more of a relationship issue. I sometimes have these thoughts that come unbidden such as 'what if I am only in this relationship because I like the security/it's easy' etc etc and then I feel bad for thinking this way. There is such a thin line between 'Am I only doing this because X' (doesn't make me feel guilty to question) and 'I am only doing this because X' (makes me feel terribly guilty as it's like a statement of truth that has come into my head).

Sorry if that makes no sense, but I am feeling really anxious to be having these negative thoughts. Sometimes I get a strong sense of wanting to run away and start my life again anew, then literally minutes later I will be sitting with DP on the sofa watching something on TV, or at a restaurant with him, or whatever it may be, and I will think 'how lovely this all is and how lucky I am to have such a gorgeous man.'

I try not to vocalise these ups and downs in my moods and the absolute wavering that goes in my head because I know it would probably be deemed emotionally abusive to do so (basically me blowing hot and cold?) but then I feel mental and dishonest, like I have all these wild thoughts going on in my head and I just blandly stare ahead and can't discuss them.

Anyone else feel like this? I just feel like I want a blank mind, I'm so sick of living in this way, letting my moods blow me from one resolution to the next. This is why I feel I should be forever alone so as not to inflict myself on anyone. I was convinced earlier this year I was going to leave DP and move country, told my mum all about it - and now I don't want to do this but am guilty, imagining him telling his mum that he was going to run away... it seems absurd. And yet it's the sort of thing I say to my mum.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 09/01/2020 19:35

I'm not going to diagnose you online and no one worth their salt would. It could be any number of things such as OCD or even bi polar given what you say about your moods. Bi Polar isn't always massive swings from mania to depression.

It sounds like you need to see your GP as soon as you can. Don't get fobbed off with medication because if you are bi polar, the wrong kind can make you go ape. You need a proper assessment and diagnosis preferably with a psychiatrist.

Check out the Mind website for more information: www.mind.org.uk/

You might find this NHS guide to mental health services helpful: www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/nhs-services/mental-health-services/how-to-access-mental-health-services/

RLEOM · 09/01/2020 23:00

It could also be borderline personality disorder. BPD mood swings can switch quickly throughout the day, Bi-polar disorder mood swings can last for long periods of time, like a week - apparently.

I can get like this sometimes in relationships. I've got a lot if symptoms of borderline personality disorder but I read a lot of people diagnosed with it have been misdiagnosed and are on the autism spectrum instead, which I also have many, many characteristics of.

Speak to your doctor to see if you can get referred for an assessment.

RLEOM · 09/01/2020 23:02

In the meantime, work on your strategies and coping mechanisms to help you ride the waves. Tell yourself that it's just a phase and you know it's not what you truly want (to run away).

BurnedToastIsBadForYou · 09/01/2020 23:13

Could it be your subconscious telling you it is not the right relationship for you?

crackingowlsanctury · 09/01/2020 23:17

Google ROCD (relationship obsessive compulsive disorder). I used to be exactly the same and it used to be horrible to deal with. But then I heard about ROCD and it was such a relief to know that what was going on in my head was a known condition x

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