Long story, my friend has a long term boyfriend who it was discovered last year has been lying to her about some fairly major things (age and background etc), when he was found out she decided to stay with him and move past it, totally fine, as long as she’s happy then it’s none of my business.
Now, he’s been offered a job abroad, a long way away and a very different culture and way of life to the UK, and they are moving there together at the end of this month. It’s a big move and not without risks and sacrifices. When you speak to them about the long term plan, they aren’t on the same page at all, she wants to save some money and then come home and settle down with some decent money behind them; he wants to save money and in his words “have a baby, stick it in a rucksack, and travel” for the rest of their lives (he is over 50 and has form for ignoring reality and thinking he can run away from/avoid real life or any problems he might have).
I don’t believe he actually wants a child but he knows that she does and so this is the carrot for getting her on board. I’m worried that he is either lying outright about his intention to have a child and just wasting her time, or that he will have a child and show no responsibility towards my friend or the baby and leave them on their own, potentially in a foreign county. He already has children who he has left and now has no contact with...on more than one occasion.
I would like to say something to her along these lines “look X, I don’t want to interfere with your life but I would feel like a bad friend if I didn’t ask - I will only ask once and whatever you say will be final and I will support you - but have you really considered what you are about to do, and are you completely sure that you can trust him throughout whatever might happen.”
If this is what she wants and is happy with it then I will never mention it again, but I’m worried that she is just going along with things because no-one has really checked with her; and I think that for the sake of a potentially awkward conversation it could give her the opportunity to really consider what she is doing.
What do you think, raise it once or stay out of it altogether? For what it’s worth, she is my best friend of over 10 years and was my MOH, so we have a very long standing and close relationship, and I genuinely only want what is best for her.