dual custody vs full custody

[Hatehimsomuch]

Thank you for your attention.

My husband is now living at his friend’s couch for the sake of himself getting in trouble if he moves back until finalising the divorce because the police has been involved for an abusive and controlling behaviour towards me directly and indirectly by using our child as a weapon(one of the reason)

I let him to see our child anytime he wants as I believe that’s the right thing to do for our child even though he got arrested so since he moved out, he still sees our child about 5 days a week. He comes to my house after work almost everyday to see little one for about 2hours. At the moment, we are kind of verbally agreed he will have one night per week at the weekend but I am sure he will want more days when he has days-off and on holidays as his job is quite flexible. now, he wants to have our child during the week as well when I asked him if he can look after little one once a week at the evening about 2.5hours if I get a chance to attend a evening course, putting our child into breakfast club which will disrupt our child’s routine a lot. After his suggestion, I told him I will give up the course because my child routine during the week is quite important to me.

From the start, he wanted a dual custody however, I am not sure what is different between dual custody and full custody and how it will affect my rights?

I am the only person who organises, dealing with things, sorts things out for our child and he didn’t do much for our child before and still( I solely managed all house chores, events, childcares, bills and his tax returns, etc) but I don’t know why he too much focuses on dual custody.

My concern is in the future, I may want or need to move to a different city within the UK or even abroad(who knows the future) as I am not British and I have no family or relatives here. He could be the same but as his hometown is here and his family and relatives near by so it’s less likely. Will dual custody will affect on this?

No such thing
Only residency which will state where the child lives ( if such an order is needed)
He still had parental responsibility regardless of living arrangements and you have no more rights than he does

If you want to move away you’ll need his permission - otherwise he could get a prohibitive steps order to prevent this even if you have a residency order stating the children live with you

I wonder what is different If I have a dual custody and the child lives with me 5-6days. and I have a full custody and the child lives with me 5-6days? I don’t know what do those terms real mean?

Dual custody means the decisions whatever for the child should be made equally between him and me? I am the person who has been deciding everything and he wasn’t interested in (uhmm, sorry I change this, he probably believed me I do good for our child so he didn’t need to worry about anything I do but still he made his negative comments always at first whatever I tried to do for our child before which usually didn’t have the power/engagement to stick to.

As a pp said there is no such thing as dual or half custody - those terms mean nothing.

However why the fuck are you letting him see your child whenever he wants and in your home where he's been abusive. That is not in your child's best interests at all. Your child needs a fixed arrangement, where their mother is not able to remain a victim. And that's only if he is not a danger. Overnights would not be appropriate until he has his own place. And don't give up your course on his say so.

Regardless of the arrangements you make, if you wanted to move away you need his permission. If he does not give it you can apply to court, who will want to ensure that the move will not be detrimental to your child and their relationship with their father.

Because he begged me that it will be heartbroken, he can’t live without him, he won’t do anything bad to him, etc. Is it my bad choice?

It sounds as though he wanted 50/50 custody, 'dual'meaning the time is equally split between you.

You can contact an organisation called Gingerbread regarding child contact arrangements and their website is also very comprehensive www.gingerbread.org.uk/

Contact your local CABx or you can find an adviser here: www.home.oisc.gov.uk/adviser_finder/finder.aspx regarding immigration advice.

Your post is confusing, so if you can clarify. You say there was police involvement and he used your child 'as a weapon'. What does that mean and what happened after police involvement? Was any injunction put in place? Social Services involvement?

Your husband is abusive OP. He is controlling you, he doesn't want you to do the course because he wants to control you. If he cared about his child he wouldn't have 'used him as a weapon'. Please contact your local domestic services to find out if they offer any kind of counselling or group sessions for those in abusive relationships. You can find your local one here: www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Your child needs stability and proper, set contact arrangements with his father. Ideally in a contact centre with supervision given that he's violent and controlling. You can ask Gingerbread about that. You can also arrange handovers meaning that you don't have to see him.

I would keep him out of your house and, depending on when the violence took place, get advice on a non molestation order which will keep him away from you. You can get advice on that here: www.ncdv.org.uk/

You need legal advice as well which you can get from Rights of Women for free www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/ or a solicitor which you can find at the Family Law Panel (those who have domestic violence training have a purple ribbon beside their name): www.thefamilylawpanel.org/

He shouldn't be coming to your home five nights a week OP. Proper contact arrangements need to be put in place that he adheres to. His presence is harmful to your child and don't feel guilty about keeping an abuser away from yourself and most importantly, your child.

He will kick back when you start to put boundaries in place, I guarantee it. Make sure you have contacted your local domestic abuse organisation first to get advice on risk management.

In my thinking, I can watch him too. Also, If anything happens, I can ring the police and that’s what my husband worries about so I thought he won’t do such behaviour again. He can even move back under his rights but I keep insisting he should not saying I could ask to the court.
I suddenly feel “what have I done” by your comment.

If you get residency you won't need his permission to travel or claim benefits. Joint would need his permission to travel and he could l counter claim any entitled benefits..

although if you do get a child arrangement order you can travel abroad it is only for a limited amount of time. You would not be able to move abroad with your son. If you did it can be classed as child abduction. You need to seek legal advice so you can understand what you can and can't do

I suddenly feel “what have I done” by your comment.

Good. Use a contact centre - the staff there can monitor his behaviour. It is NOT your role to do that.

If you get residency you won't need his permission to travel or claim benefits. Joint would need his permission to travel and he could l counter claim any entitled benefits..

That's not true as long as any court order specifies how many nights a week your child spend with you it will be clear that you are the parent with care and entitled to benefits.

you should not be letting a violent abusive man into your home and should not be allowing him to be with your child without supervision by an appropriate third party. you wouldn't be able to protect yourself or your child if he got nasty, and if you allow either of the above to happen the courts will discount anything you say about him being violent and abusive as you would be demonstrating by your actions that you actually consider him trustworthy and safe to be with.

it is not in your child's best interests to have overnights with this man. regular contact centre visits sound the right level.

as for the course you want to do - get a babysitter.

OP you are still being massively controlled if you are letting him come round every day - and then say its so you can call the police if he acts out.

Its not in your sons best interest at all. Please get legal advice and sort out a contact centre

Some court orders state holidays are arranged among yourselves. This can lead to dispute of Cms and benefits.
Ime.

I have residency of my older children, I need their Fathers written consent to take them abroad - I found this out when we popped over to Amsterdam for 3 days and I was pulled over at customs and my children separated from me to be interviewed. Very scary but all was fine.

If you ex wants 50/50 then your child will have some disruption to their life but they will adapt quickly and I know many families where this arrangement works well. If your son isn’t in any danger being with his Father the courts aren’t likely to deny him of this.
However, I do think that perhaps there should be a different arrangement for visiting - whether you have a friend/family member present or your ex takes your son to his friends house, gives him dinner then drops him home (or a family member drops him home).

It's not a good idea for your dd to see her Dad whenever he wants. It's better to have fixed days and times. As he's been abusive, I'd make sure that this was out of the house for my safety and to demonstrate to social services that I was being responsible.

Having a "see child whenever you want" deal isn't good as it can be used to control you, spy on you and children like routine. It's highly likely going to cause you grief if you start dating again or want to increase your work hours as he can use the routine to mess you around.

I have residency and I don't need permission to take my dc on holiday as long its its not longer than a month. This is standard in court orders.