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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL tries to win over my attention

5 replies

Mimosa20 · 09/01/2020 05:09

As much as my MIL is sweet and most likely wants my best, she is also very much treading on my boundaries.

She has a very judgmental/critical personality, which means she can be quite abrupt. She does not have many friends or hobbies which means her two children and now me (and soon a newborn) is the centre of her attention. She constantly asks how's the baby (that's not even born yet). She also constantly critisises that she does not hear from me enough and that I need to contact her more. She also laughs (in a demeaning way) at our cooking when we tell her we've eaten xyz which usually is some healthy hipster meal. To her of course, the only cooking which is good is hers.

MIL also tries to steal my attention away from my own mum, as if she gets jealous knowing my mum actually means very much to me and that we are very close. She just does not accept the fact that my home is not my MIL's house! She forces me to see her home as my home.

We only live 25 minutes away from my MIL, yet, she expects all our attention on her. Eg, on new year's she got upset that my husband didn't call her in time at midnight. He simply got confused with a massive time difference as we were abroad.

I have spoken to my husband about this and I'm sure he's tried his best to improve the situation. Of course, he also says 'that's my mum's personality and he cannot change it. I just fear the day the baby comes. It will the first grandchild on both sides and I already feel MIL's over involvement.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/01/2020 06:30

Make yourself a lot less available for her
Your dh should be telling her to step back as well

MLMsuperfan · 09/01/2020 06:32

Set boundaries.

Marylou2 · 09/01/2020 06:39

Set boundaries and set them now. Screen your calls or tell her that your husband will call her. Make it very clear that you are adults and soon to have a family of your own. She can be a part of the family but not at the very centre. Don't engage her on your cooking or eating. If she comments negatively just ignore it completely as though you haven't heard. Just a blank face and carry on. She needs training before the baby arrives but you both need to be exactly on the same page.

Aussiebean · 09/01/2020 08:35

DONT tell her your in labour. Make that clear to your husband now.

Littleshortcake · 09/01/2020 08:38

Start to pull away now and have a serious talk to your dh. Have less contact. Don't tell her much. Be polite and nice but keep your boundaries in place.

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