How could I have been so stupid, seriously

[Supersuperwoman]

I’m just coming to terms to the fact that I was groomed at 18 by a man in his late thirties. We have children together, and I’ve contacted organizations for support which I’m looking forward to. But I just can’t understand how I could’ve been so stupid ? I thought I was so smart at 18, but I clearly wasn’t. He lied about his age at the start but I was too attached to take serious action. I think I’m slowly falling into depression.

I'm so sorry, that sounds like a head screw and a half. Are you still together?

I just broke up with him a few days ago. Not that he accepts it, I think this break up will stretch out for a few months to be honest :(

I was groomed at 14, pregnant at 15, married at 16.

When my children did the math and figured out I was pregnant at 15 they felt differently about him.

He’s now my ex husband.

Don’t be hard on yourself, you weren’t stupid. He took advantage and lied.

Sounds like you are doing lots of good things to take back control of the situation now.

Imagine finding an 18 year old child in a similar situation right now. Would you call her stupid? I think you would (rightly) place all blame at the door of the horrible adult taking advantage of her, with perhaps a portion for the other adults in her life that should be looking out for her.

Treat your old self with the same kindness that you would that imaginary kid. Getting through the teenage years without getting taken advantage of is often down to luck of the people you know, rarely stupidity.

Remember, you don't need his permission to break up, you are not 'his' for him to get to decide

It is important to remember that however old or sensible you felt, you were actually little more than a child. I despise people who take advantage of young people. It was not your fault.

for you.

Because that's what's grooming means. They're incredibly clever and manipulative, and know just how to make a young person feel like it's their decision. It's why safeguarding is so critical for young people - to stop people taking advantage of naively youthful/inexperienced people in the first place.

I don't want to go into my own personal story, because it's very long and I still don't like to talk about it, but I just wanted to say this - you are not stupid, you are not the first, and you won't be the last. When I finally broke free and started to share my story with other women I was amazed at how many of them had their own story. These weren't "stupid" women. They were women from all walks of life. It is not a reflection of your intelligence. It can happen to anyone. Please don't start taking the blame for someone else's disgusting actions.