How do you disengage and let go?

[Headfull]

Hi, family member is a nightmare. I’ve recently stopped seeing them/ contacting after their self acknowledged uncontrollable ‘darkness’ towards me. And it’s been a revelation, a break has allowed me to realise how much verbal and emotional abuse I’ve had from this person, now bad they have always made me feel about myself growing up and as an adult (I’m so not perfect but i’m not what they tell me I am) etc. So I want to remove myself from the relationship as far as possible as this person isn’t capable of being any other way. I think she’s playing games, and I don’t want to engage but I DO want to be able to enjoy our wider family without feeling stressed that I need to be in the same environment. Family know what she’s like, and some are a fry at her, but don’t want to challange her (she’s very volatile). And I don’t want to estrange myself from them/ give her the power to dictate what I do and don’t go to by being there. How do you Disengage and not have the awful feeling that the person manages to give you? And how do you not get that feeling whenever they are mentioned?

I think you are right to let this person go. Just because people are family it doesnt mean they are good for us.

I think it will get easier over time as they will seem more distant if they are not in your life. Hopefully family will not mention the person to you when they know you no longer see them. Sometimes though you may need to cut off conversations so be ready to change subject if they are mentioned.

Perhaps some counselling might help you deal with the issues of the past? Good luck

Thank you. I’ve been doing counselling, and trying to ‘get on’ with life (and it is so much more peaceful without them and their drama), but I’m struggling with feeling sad that I can’t have the relationship I wish I could. And how to be in the same space as them and feel safe.