It sounds like you're doing well and your instincts are spot on. It's very easy to think it's just me but it's not. Lots of women get into abusive and dysfunctional relationships and there's nothing wrong with you. Abuse is always the fault of the abuser.
It sounds like your family of origin may be responsible for you second guessing yourself, don't. Perhaps think about therapy to look at that and 'unpack' it. Trust yourself. You are responsible for your own safety, stop justifying yourself or explaining.
The Shark Cage is a domestic abuse tool developed by psychologist
Ursula Benstead to empower women who find themselves in repeated relationships with domestic/family violence perpetrators.
According to Benstead, the world is a big beautiful ocean filled with lots of harmless friendly fish, as well as dangerous predators. To survive in this ocean, you need a good Shark Cage. People aren’t born with Shark Cages – we build them with the help of the people around us when we are young – our caregivers and everyone we come into contact with during childhood contribute to the quality of our Shark Cage.
If we are taught through words and actions that it’s not acceptable for people to shout at us or call us names, that’s one bar in the Shark Cage. If we are taught it’s not acceptable for people to hit us, that’s another bar. If we are taught it’s not acceptable for people to touch us in ways that make us uncomfortable that’s another bar. When all the bars are in place, sharks bang up against them and find it hard to get close enough to bite.
Think about going back and completing the Freedom Programme and well done for getting out of your abusive relationship. This man sounds as though he's fishing around, looking for easy prey, he's probably contacted lots of women. Just block and ignore.