Partner never buys me gifts

[whyaremensoannoying]

So I've been with my partner for a few years now and we have a small child together. For every birthday and Christmas I always buy him a nice gift, usually around the £300 mark as well as a gift to my partner from our son around the £150 mark.

But for my birthday and Christmas present I get nothing. I've told him previouslyu that this upsets me. This year at Christmas he said he doesn't get paid until 6th Jan so I would have to wait until then. He seemed really genuine and sincere. But surprise surprise, 6th Jan has come and no gift.

Is this normal? How do I go about getting him to change even though I've already previously expressed this to him and how I feel about it

Stop buying him stuff. Buy yourself stuff instead. Just say Happy Birthday. He's greedy. X

You've been clear that you'd like to receive gifts for your birthday and Christmas. He's been given the opportunity to change and he hasn't.

Is it time for you to tell him that you will purchase your own gifts on his behalf? No, it's not as thoughtful or satisfying. Would it diminish any resentment that you feel?

Don’t buy him gifts!

After a few years I would seriously stop buying him gifts! I know you don't give to receive but he's your partner and should want to treat you. He should feel crappy accepting nice gifts from you knowing he never gets you anything!

Why are you still buying him gifts? He’s an utter cunt.

I’m not sure you can if it’s been like this for a few years. I don’t think this is normal, although maybe it is for him and what he grew up with?

I would feel hurt and that he simply didn’t care, however you are spending a lot of money on his gifts. Occasionally I might spend a lot on hubby if there is something special he wants but generally not more than £100. And I only get him something from DD that is around £10.

Could it be he is worried about your expensive expectations?

There is no excuse for not getting you something though. It is supposed to be thoughtful but he’s not thinking about you at all. I would have made a big deal out of this years ago. I know you say you have told him but either he has not taken it on board or he doesn’t give two hoots.

What does he say? Does he acknowledge that he upsets you?

That seems a huge amount to spend, especially if he doesn't reciprocate. It's very sad that he hasn't bought you birthday or Christmas presents after you told him how hurt you were to be forgotten.

You need to stop buying for him. If he says anything then all you need is a bright and breezy "As you never buy me anything I realised that you'd rather not do presents. It's a shame that you forgot to let me know. Never mind."

Maybe you spending such ridiculously huge amounts is putting him under pressure ?

Why not draw a line under that and say 'Lets get each other something for under £20. then it doesn't matter so much if we don't get it spot on.'
and /or
Keep an Amazon wishlist, or write a 'wishlist' a month or so before your birthday.
I would also have a calm conversation to let him know that it is important to you to have a present at Christmas and for your birthday. That is isn't about the monetary value, but it is about feeling cared for, and thought of.

You need to stop buying him anything and spend it on yourself but it won’t take away the feeling. My DP doesn’t care either about Xmas etc so it makes no difference if I buy him something or not. I’m sure he’d be glad if I didn’t.
My DP got me a £30 voucher and I was very disappointed. I wanted something personal, he knew that and still didn’t bother.

Just don't buy him any presents. Spend the money you would have spent on yourself.

I think the fact you’re spending such a huge amount may be putting too much pressure on him. £450 is ridiculous. Most men can manage a nice bottle of perfume/bath set/chocolates, but he may be stumped at anything really expensive you like and feels you may be insulted getting something small after you’ve been so extravagant, so doesn’t bother at all

Use the money on yourself. Tell him this year you’re buying your own gifts from him and he can buy himself gifts from you so you’ll both get what you want.

Is he saving towards a family holiday or engagement ring? Even so, he could get you perfume!

Does he pay fairly towards bills?