Hi.
With marriage rates in decline in the Western World, as well as the rise of feminism and secularism, is marriage (or any form of legal commitment) still relevant in the 21st century? Women can now have careers, sex and children without men (at least directly) in their lives. Even men in the 21st century can now adopt or opt for surrogacy etc... Many now do. Therefore, do women and men still really need each other in the modern age? Or, if they do, are much looser, more informal types of relationship now the way to go?
I wouldn't personally say they are totally irrelevant, but I think us under 45s in particular see commitment with more caution these days (particularly men, I have to say!) I've read so many cases on here where people have been married or lived together for 10/20/30 years even and have fallen out of love or their partner has had an affair. For me, adultery is unforgivable in a relationship, but sadly I think 70%+% of both men and women do it as some point in their lives.
My parents and both sets of grandparents were both extremely happily married for 50+ years. In theory, as I grew up in an extremely loving and stable home, I shouldn't be a commitment-phobe. Unusually (especially for a young guy!) at the age of 18-20 I really wanted to get married and I was very naïve about how good relationships are, or could be (probably due to my own experiences growing up). The strange thing is that as I have got older (I am now 36) I am now much more cynical and realise that good relationships, especially nowadays (perhaps ever!), are not the norm. To commit yourself emotionally and financially to another human being seems completely nuts when the mathematical odds of you still being BOTH happy and together in 30-50 years time is vanishingly small. If/when you do split, even regardless of whether there has been an affair or not, both partners often try to take the other to the cleaners and leave them financially diminished or destitute in old age. Let's face it; whether it's your fault or not, you are effectively forced into fighting for your own future financial well-being.
That's not to say that I wouldn't ever commit or marry. It goes without saying that everyone - whether female or male - needs to think very carefully about the financial consequences of marriage and divorce before tying the knot (or signing their house/assets to their partner etc.). It's very important to always make sure you would get a good deal in the likely event that you do end up splitting. There are so many stories on here of people being left financially screwed by their partner, it's heartbreaking. Beyond helping provide for your children (obvs) you owe it to yourself to look after your financial position, particularly as you hit middle/old age.
For that reason, my parents always advised my sister and I that we should only seriously consider commitment when a prospective partner is wealthier than we are. I don't think this is snobbery at all, but simply a way of protecting financial interests in case things start to go haywire (as they mostly do). I'd hate to think of myself as poor in middle or old-aged and I am determined that this will not happen. Apart from that, I have always been quite content up until now to opt for less formalised relationships. Whether that changes, I seriously doubt (unless a wealthier woman comes along and proposes to me!)
Anyway, what do others think? Is commitment now less relevant? Do men and women still need each other for security, or is it best to 'go it alone'? Will we continue to see a gradual decline in people wanting to commit formally to each other in the coming years?