Anyone else’s husband constantly ill / complaining?

[Crazydiamond106]

I should add a cover note that I’m 38 weeks pregnant so I may just be being hormonal / zero patience but my husband is really winding me up lately!

This is our first baby and although planned he’s been quite nervous about the impending changes and generally a bit freaked out by pregnancy in general (won’t touch bump, won’t have sex etc). I do get that and know it’s common but he’s also really not been much support emotionally.

Again I might be being unreasonable but it’s the little things like he just helps himself to a drink and doesn’t offer to get one, doesn’t offer to carry things etc. He also seems to be almost constantly ill with a cold or bad back to the extent it’s now just irritating me as when he’s sick he can’t do anything for himself and I feel like I’ve been taking care of him constantly and been getting nothing back.

It’s almost like he has a sympathetic pregnancy or something as I seem to be doing all the caring and he’s literally been layed on the sofa with my lavender hot wheat pack on his back, like a pregnant person! I don’t usually resent looking after him but feel like it’s been one thing after another and he doesn’t take good care of himself.

I’m huge and still working, still exercising everyday etc but would welcome a bit of TLC at the same time! I can’t help but wonder if he’s going to be this unhelpful when the baby arrives. I might be reading too much into it but I almost feel like this is a stress reaction he’s having to the baby as he’s been ill or complaining pretty much all the way through the pregnancy, he really wasn’t like this before.

I have to bite my tongue as I know I’m hormonal but at the same time feel occasionally like telling him to get a grip and look after himself more as I need his support.

but at the same time feel occasionally like telling him to get a grip and look after himself more as I need his support

This is exactly what you need to do OP.

Ugh. He's making it all about him. Welcome to a lifetime of this.

Don’t bite your tongue. You need to tell him straight now and also what you expect of him when the baby arrives as he sounds hopeless.

You need to have a come to jesus talk with him where you lay down the law. You should do this once and only once. If he doesn't immediately pull his head in and his finger out then you know you have a choice to make as he will now assume the role of permanent man child. You are growing another person inside you and he has a bit of a back ache? Fuck that noise.
Men who play this game are trying to ensure that you learn to see them as a child rather than the equal life partner they are supposed to be and the fact they do this when you are pregnant and less likely to up and leave is not a coincidence.

Is it because he doesn't like you getting all the attention and wants some for himself, so lays on the illness thing a bit thick?

Because that doesn't improve when the baby arrives. If he's annoyed with no longer being the centre of everyone's attention, he's going to have problems when he's competing with a newborn.

I'd tell him that you know exactly what he's doing and he's to stop it immediately and become an equal partner in this relationship. If he starts with the 'but you're getting lots of aches and pains, and I'm supposed to be looking after you, why can't you look after me a bit', then read him the riot act. You're not ill, you're pregnant, and if he's going to be this big a drama queen then he can go back to his mummy and be doted on and leave you and the baby alone.

I would lay money on him being a narcissist and this escalating one you've given birth.

My ex got himself admitted to a private hospital on a spurious complaint related to an ongoing medical issue he has when I was 38 weeks. He only discharged himself when a doctor shamed him by pointing out I needed more care than him.

Slippery slope. Call him out big time and sort it out and, if you can't, prepare for misery.

Sorry to be harsh.

once you've given birth. I'd lay money on you being completely on your own on this

Dear God, stop giving him any attention and let him get on with it.

It's like advanced toddler taming, ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good.

What a wet nelly. And a wet nelly with no manners if he doesn't offer his wife a drink or leaves you carrying things.
You need to stop biting your tongue and kick him into shape.

Jayhos ex wins the Internet! I'm so sorry you're going through this OP, sadly many men like to play ailment top trumps.

I almost respect the fucker who pranced into a private hospital though. Makes the other sniffing husbands look like rank amateurs.

You'll never be able to say the words 'I'm tired' again either. He'll claim he hasn't slept since Wham were number one, whilst managing to snore like a whale for eight unbroken hours every single night.

Many sympathies - if it helps at all, my husband copied every single one of my pregnancy aches and pains 24hrs after I had them (despite many sarcastic comments about how stretched out his womb must be feeling) - he genuinely didn't see it until I made an actual written list. He was great after we finished labour though 😜

Oh wow...he’s got your lavender pack on his back!! What an arsehole. You’re in for a rough ride OP