Telling someone your no longer in love with them

[notaregularmom]

Almost 9 years together and 2 children, things went downhill after the 2nd dc ( 3 yo) was born, lots of arguments about him not pulling his weight,gaming, and him wanting to spend more time with his friends. In September we made a mutual decision for him to move out and have a break from each other and see what happens in a year, he has never lived on his own and went from home to moving in with me. Since he moved out I feel so much better in myself,there's no rows, I don't resent him and things are just so much more calmer. We arranged for him to have the dc every other weekend ( some weeks he has let me down but that's for a different thread) and it means I get a break which is more than I did when he lived here. Last night he came round to sort the kids bed out and told me that he has made a massive mistake and wants to come home and wants to spend the rest of his life with me and the kids and even talked of us getting engaged. I don't want any of that, I like the way things are on my peaceful calm house with my own rules and routine I've got the kids in since he's been gone. If truth be told I don't think I'm Inlove with him anymore, living like this for the last 4 months has made me realise that I never want to be in a relationship ever again. I mean I love him but only because he's my kids dads and I care for him, but I'm 95% sure I'm not Inlove with him anymore. I've just told him this via text while he is at work which I know I shouldn't of done but he's been pestering me with texts all day. He's quite low and depressed atm which he says is Down to him living alone, he said he feels desperately lonely. He's a good guy, never been abusive or anything and has always supported me with anything, he's been my rock at times and we was so deeply Inlove before the kids came, I just feel really sad and wondering if I'll regret this in time to come.
Anyone else ever been in this situation and can shine some light on this, I'm feeling quite shitty now, I never intended to hurt him

He wasn't pulling his weight at home, wanted to spend time gaming and with friends rather than stepping up to the plate and doing his fair share of looking after his children and now he's not with you anymore he's lonely and depressed and wants to come back? Did he also say he realises now how unsupportive he had been and how hard that made things for you? Has he said he realised how selfish and childishly he behaved in all this and bitterly regrets it?

The fact he still lets you down with taking care of his children at weekends tells me that he still doesn't get it. I wouldn't waste any time worrying about your text to him: I don't doubt he will feel hurt by it but he still has a lot of growing up to do for someone who must be into his thirties.

I would tell him you feel better without him as you can now plan and cope with kids better with no rows. Tell him he can still have contact with kids and you can be friends but that is all. If as above poster has said he had come to you and told you he realised how bad he was before and regreted not helping more with kids etc maybe but he didn't.

Nah. Don’t feel bad. I actually read your post and felt envious. You’ve done it. Got yourself sorted. Your house, your rules, no tension...sounds brilliant. He had his chance. He could have pulled his weight when he had the chance but he didn’t because gamer blokes will always put that first and once they’re absorbed then you don’t exist anymore. Do NOT waste your life on a gamer like me. It’s too late for me but you’ve just got out of a prison sentence. Don’t go back! My life is spent with a bloke sitting around all school holidays playing Fortnite. No family holidays. No date nights. He just doesn’t give a shit. He does the bare minimum and wonders why I don’t want to suck his d* when he’s been sat indoors all day shooting fake people. It’s incredibly unattractive. In my experience gamers are lazy and checkout of real life and unless you are into that stuff then why waste your life? Keep him gone. Say “sorry you’re feeling down but I want to live in a gaming console free house and that will never change. In fact, I am aiming for a screen free life and you don’t really fit into the kind of life that I’m building” just be honest. Imagine the life you want and then go for it. I wish I was as brave as you

Thank you this is what I needed to hear. I've felt terrible all day for sending that text message and waiting for his reply. His reply was "sorry I can't take that, we're meant to be together"
I haven't replied.

I care for him very much and I don't want him to feel sad and lonely but it's not my problem anymore, he was so adamant about wanting to have his own space and now the grass isn't greener he wants to come home. Well I'm not up for that, we've been very amicable since the split and have slept together a few times, I'm wondering now if that's been a mistake but I'm honestly not interested in anyone else so we've kind of been fwb. He stayed over Xmas eve on the sofa to see his kids open their presents and I could hear the snoring from upstairs and laid thinking "thank god im not listening to this anymore"

. It’s incredibly unattractive.
Yep this was my argument all the time when he would come to bed and get upset when I turned sex down.
So sorry your still in this it's such a drag and really brings you down.