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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do we stay together or break up

18 replies

Poiuy123 · 07/01/2020 00:13

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years & we have a 1 year old daughter. I’m from England & he’s from Scotland. I moved up there with him when I was pregnant because we thought we’d be better of financially but he was so stressed with his job working 6 days a week, long hours.. me and baby where left alone all the time, none of his family ever visited so I’ve decided to move back for more support.

The truth is he is really draining me & has hurt
Me more than he knows

I had my daughter on New Year’s Eve, I went for a sweep in the morning & I was already 2cm then, I remember the midwife saying she thought my baby will come that night or in the next morning. We went home and I just wanted to rest but he was pissed of because it was New Year’s Eve and he was stuck in so he went to his mum and dads. I woke up at 4pm and rang him to ask if he could pick some food up on his way home assuming he’s be back soon. 6pm still not home, I’m starving and crying my eyes out that he’s left me on my own, I’m in Scotland I know no one & it was our final night as a 2. 8pm I had a show, I rang him and asked what he was doing and he said he was watching a film. His mum said prior to this that it was ok for him to have a drink and if I went in to labour “that’s what ambulances are for” I was so upset. He got home at 10pm with a microwave curry🙈 We eventually got to the hospital and I was 11cm, I remember just feeling like I was not in the right frame of mind to birth my baby. He complained he didn’t get offered any food in the hospital & it should be the both of us that got food. Not just me. I didn’t think much of this in till his own friends said your miss has just given birth and all your bothered about is they didn’t give you food??!! I think I was so emotionally drained from him that I just wasn’t taking notice I just wanted to focus on my newborn

Last year was tough, I got PND, I think he was depressed to.. he spent easily 400 pounds a month on weed.
He gets irritated easily when dealing with our daughter when she’s crying and that really does my head in because I just feel like I have to do everything, recently I’ve just started my own business and I have very little time to myself, hence why I want to move close to my family. He’s lost so much weight and needs to put some on, I need to loose it but he is a really faddy eater so it’s like I’m trying to feed two babies, when in reality he should be the one taking care of himself in that department. He’s just really snappy sometimes, gets pissed of if he has to feed baby why I get myself ready for the day. I wonder sometimes if he actually cares about me

I’m just sick of the negative vibe from him & I really want this year to be a fresh start but again tonight he was changing daughter nappy and was getting irritated with her crying I came up and he couldn’t find her dummy so he was literally effing & jeffing, throwing things around trying to look for it when there’s another 3 down the stairs. My brother was there and even he said “he isn’t coping well”
We are in the middle of looking for a house close where my family stay but I’m not even sure if it’s a good idea anymore.

If anyone has any advise or has been in a similar situation I’d really appreciate the support

Thank you

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/01/2020 00:19

Getting rid of this dead weight arsehole would be the best decision of your life.

Zofloramummy · 07/01/2020 00:24

My advice is to move back to your home without the adult child.
£400 a month on weed!! For that alone you should leave never mind the neglect, lack of care and waste of space he is as a partner and a father.

12345kbm · 07/01/2020 00:25

Break up. He sounds like a loser OP. I understand how hard that is with a young baby. Contact Gingerbread to answer any questions you may have on being a single parent. Don't listen to any excuses or promises to change, he won't.

Louise91417 · 07/01/2020 00:28

Sounds like my ex, think the ex explains my opinion on what you should do..hes a deadbeat, get rid, you will do far better without himWink

outherealone · 07/01/2020 00:29

You got pnd? What a fucking surprise. I’m so sorry honey, please go home to your family. He can’t give you what you need , weed is his partner, not you xxx

DrKnickerbocker · 07/01/2020 00:30

Break up with him and go home.

It will never get any better.

You and that little girl deserve so much more than him.
£400 on weed, leaving you on NYE/NYD whilst on the verge of going into labour with absolutely no one to support you, the anger.
He's a pathetic and useless.
His mum sounds like an absolute treat as well, wonder where he learned his behaviour from? Hmm

You're doing it mostly on your own now anyway, so being a single parent won't be a huge jump - especially because you'll be back near your family.

Don't waste another day on him.

Poiuy123 · 07/01/2020 00:31

I think because we are from different places I’m worried that my daughter will hate me for it. He can be good with her, but the negatives are outweighing the positives recently 😞

OP posts:
frankincenseandmur · 07/01/2020 00:33

Definitely leave him

youcancallmequeenE · 07/01/2020 00:34

What they all said. Your daughter won't hate you. She will love and respect you for being strong and doing the best you can by her.

Don't waste a moment more on this arsehole. He is literally sucking all of the good out of you. Do you still want to be feeling like you do now in a years time?

clpsmum · 07/01/2020 00:34

Leave him. Your daughter won't hate you she will respect you and what a great message you are sending her to not stay with somebody she is not happy with. Be strong sending hugs xx

Chocmallows · 07/01/2020 00:36

LTB

Packit · 07/01/2020 00:37

Leave him. You could do so much better. I’d leave him for the weed problem alone. He sounds a complete dead weight.

justilou1 · 07/01/2020 00:42

He CAN be good with her... but mostly he chooses not to be. He’s not remotely interested in you, and you’re her mum. Fuck him off out of your life. He is a parasite. You will be SO much happier. You will be only feeding one bloody toddler, for a start! Assuming he pays maintenance, he won’t have as much to spend on weed, either.

ilikemethewayiam · 07/01/2020 00:42

He’s a c*nt! Get out ASAP!

Todayisontheup · 07/01/2020 01:21

I agree with everyone else.

He is a poor excuse for a man/partner and father. I would have left him after the birth of your daughter based on his behaviour. Let alone the weed smoking and his aggression.

He does not seem to care for you or his daughter. You know what you need to do.

Good luck.

Poiuy123 · 07/01/2020 01:51

I would’ve left After the birth if I had somewhere to go but at the time I couldn’t stand my own parents, I was realising a lot about the way they was when I was younger not noticing I’m in a relationship with someone just like them

We’ve since made up & they do seem to have changed for the better, my dad even got therapy and anger management
My partner has recently said he thinks he needs anger management

Ever just feel like your life is a mess?

. Thanks for all your input .. things will be changing

OP posts:
TacCat49 · 07/01/2020 02:03

Yes, leave, leave, leave.
All the MN posters have covered exactly what i would say.

namechange1041 · 07/01/2020 02:08

Please leave him

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