Is my friend rude or am I overreacting?

[TooManyPlatesInMotion]

I've name changed for this one.

I had a falling out with a friend of mine a few months ago. I had thought that we'd patched things up, we talked about it and we both apologised to each other for the episode and moved on.

Roll on Xmas, and just before Xmas I saw a book that I thought my friend would really enjoy (we have a mutual hobby). We don't normally bother with xmas presents but I thought why not, so I bought it, got a card and wrote a note in the card. Note wished her all the best for 2020 and Christmas (ie standard greeting), and then went on to say I hoped she enjoyed the read and that she didn't have the book already, sorry that we had fallen out, life's too short (I have recently been bereaved and she is aware of this) and that I very much hope we can put it all behind us and crack on in 2020. It sounds silly but I thought really carefully about what to write and wanted to make it meaningful as she has previously been a good friend.

Gave her the gift and card taped to it a few days before the holidays. She said she would save it until Xmas. All good.

Then . . . nothing. I didn't read much into that, it's a busy time of year. I then saw her a couple of days ago (hobby). I said hello and wished her a happy new year. Nothing at all. No thank you or acknowledgment or mention of gift or note. I just carried on as normal and then at the end of the day, asked her if she had already read the book/liked it. She responded by saying she didn't have it already but liked the author. No thanks or anything else.

I feel pretty hurt to be honest. I guess I expected a thank you or some kind of acknowledgment. Am I overreacting?!

@senua yes, I did think that might have happened. I had stuck it on with some tape but I guess it could have come off. I am guilty of not always opening Xmas cards and occasionally find them in my bag weeks into the new year!

It was rude not to say thank you

But sometimes I’m a bit funny when someone gives me or my DCs a present when we don’t normally ‘do presents’ because then I feel bad I didn’t get them something and feel that I’ll have to the next year, when it was a bit of a relief that we didn’t do gifts, or so I thought!

Plus yeah maybe she’s not over it!

@Sharkyfan yeah, I get that re gifts. I think in the past we have taken the view that it all evens out over time though, eg she's given me a few random freebies via her work, used a discount she gets for me, I have given her the odd treat to say thanks etc. None of it is expensive stuff. So it's not like we never do presents, it's more that we don't generally at Xmas.

Are you still close-ish?

She could and should have said thanks.

Maybe she felt a bit embarrassed or awkward or maybe took it the wrong way like others have said.

If the book and the argument were both in relation to the hobby, she may have thought the book was a dig.

@MindyStClaire both my friend and I are total amateurs re the hobby. The book was a memoir written by a well known figure in the profession, but no link at all to what we argued about, just a really inspiring read.

@bottlenose301yes, we were/are still close - ish.