In August, my Uncle, who at one stage in my childhood, brought me up, and who was my closest living relative became ill, after some tests, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer a few weeks later and consequently died a few weeks after that. I am devastated.
I won't go into too much detail but he left behind several businesses turning over a lot of money and with a LOT of responsibility. I am sole executor and due to mental and physical illness within the family and the only one who COULD deal with things. The business is 30 miles away from my home. I have had to deal with a number of authorities for compliance issues and the businesses were left a thorough mess, lots and lots of sorting out to do. It is not my business and not a sector I have ever worked in and I have NO idea how to run it but have had to learn fast.
I am bumbling along OK, taking each day as it comes, I nursed my Uncle every day from diagnosis to his passing (I gave up working 3 days a week and now am employed 1-2 days per week only) on my own with the help and support of his local hospice (who were brilliant). I arranged the funeral on my own, and I am now running the businesses until everything can be wound down properly, which could potentially be a year. I also have my old family home (a very large house) with 4 generations of memories to clear out.
My partner of 11 years was initially supportive emotionally, but as time has gone on, has been less so. He is experienced within one sector of one of the businesses I have been left with, so people have assumed he is helping me practically. This has been the case, but only for around an hour a week. I have thanked him many, many times for his support. He has been left a significant amount of money in my Uncle's will.
I am training for a marathon and I am determined that it is something I will achieve this year after committing to it before my Uncle became ill. This takes up about 5-6 hours per week at the moment at the most. It is the ONLY thing I am doing for myself. I have no real conversations with friends any more and have only been out with a friend once in 5 months and had another friend round for the evening. My partner is resentful about this because I am busy every day until 7-8pm with the housework, businesses and the little bit of exercise (which is helping me emotionally too). My partner and I have been away for a night away and a weekend away last month. We have been out with HIS family and friends several times over Christmas.
He has now told me he is "disappointed" in how little time I am giving him (I am with him for around 6 hours a day, albeit when I am busy doing things in the house for us or the businesses). I do ALL the shopping, cooking, washing and ironing and all the other "wife work" although we do have a cleaner once a week. He washes up each night and puts the bins out.
He has told me he has been "good" and not bossed me around and told me how to do things when I have twice broken down in tears about the role that I have found overwhelming on these two occasions only. He also told me I should "make more time" for doing things that need to be done and he also told me he doesn't know what I have been doing for the last 3 months. When I told his his comments were nasty and unnecessary he told me I needed a "kick up the arse".
Now I know you do not know me and what I have been doing but I have done my absolute best to work through all the things that have been thrown at me. I have also made my relationship my number 1 priority. So I am gutted he has spoken to me like this. I am physically and emotionally exhausted - he knows this.
The only thing on his radar is his own needs. We rowed this weekend because when I came to bed (I can't go to bed when I want to because he has to go to sleep with the TV on in the bedroom and this is non negotiable - so I go up after him) he wanted to have sex. I was exhausted and suffering from a cold. He then refused to let me sleep for an hour, then woke me up early the next morning to "talk" which involved him telling me how uncaring I am.
I know he is insecure by how he has been criticizing everything I do and pointing out how much better he can do things. Any of my day to day achievements are ignored and I am snapped at constantly. I walk on eggshells trying to please him.
Is it so wrong to just want a bit of acknowledgement of what I am doing each day and how I am coping? I honestly haven't had time to grieve. Not once has he said he will do his own washing or told me he is proud of what I am doing. I can just about cope with that. I just cannot take the criticism as well. It is really not fair. I don't have any family to help support me now either do I?
It feels abusive - I wonder if it is worse because suddenly I am not his beck and call girl anymore and my life has become unpredictable now I don't work 9-5? He feels out of control and is finding it strange seeing me with so much responsibility and coping (albeit with 2 small meltdowns). Although I am dealing with a lot, I am kind of enjoying the responsibility and feel proud of how I have coped. I wonder if he just doesn't like this?