I left my career to raise a family - not where I wanted to live but where my SO wanted to live- spend many lonely years going silently crazy and managing on very little as he was useless with money . He also spent a lot of time in pub. I tried hard to be there for kids and bring them up to have a great life. I never had much money etc or social life . Finally I was able to go to work 40 hrs a week ( spent most on the kids) and earn but also do housework, and one day it hit me as I ironed 36 shirts/did shopping and cleaning at the weekend ...that life was kinda crap. Badly I ended up with a lover against all that I am and inside I felt terrible. So why not spilt up with SO?- I felt I could not destroy the kids lives- but as long as everyone was happy it was ok ..no one knew..
I had a little bit of joy- although it wasnt that simple. The' joy' of a lover wore off pretty quickly due to guilt etc and drug dependency that I was not aware of...however as a secret couple we fought it and it turned into a relationship that I never intended it to . The lover wanted to get married so it has all come out. However I am finding it hard to get over the guilt at what i have done so have been emotional- it also still feels like grieving over the death of a marriage which the lover did not understand . So he has accused me of being upset as I still want my husband and told me to go... I am very upset. My SO now has new partner and I cant go to to him , and interfere with their new relationship even though we are good friends. No one know how it felt to spend all those years looking after the kids on your own somewhere you didnt want to be. Ironically SO has cleaned up his behaviour for new partner i and she does not want kids so they are having a whale of a time . I feel I only got in this situation with pressure at how i was treated while bringing up family - not sure what to do now....just reaching out as soo sad...