I've never been one to compare, genuinely never been bothered. I came from a crap upbringing so have always been quite proud of the way I keep my life together in general and of the things I've achieved.
But there's just this one friend.
And every time I see her I feel like she's winning at life and I should be doing so much better. The whole meet-up seems to centre around achievements, goals and money.
"We have booked 3 holidays this year, have you booked any yet?"
"Are you still separating from DH? My DH and I are now volunteering at a homeless shelter together every Wednesday- it's lovely to be making a difference together."
"DCs went to 4 different friends houses from school over xmas, did your DCs visit anyone?"
"Over Christmas we were invited to so many places and waited on hand and foot, where did you go?"
"DH and I got pissed together on New Years Eve and had loads of sex, it was great-what did you do?"
"I've had a promotion, how is your work going?"
"I'm doing a triathlon in September, have you taken up running yet?"
I feel crap after every meeting.
No holidays booked- can't afford one.
Still leaving DH.
DCs have seen their cousins over Xmas and that's it because one has autism and people find him hard work so wouldn't palm him off to friends.
We hosted the entire family because they're all useless and expect us to host them. My parents infact can't host us because they are currently homeless and sleeping on a friend's sofa.
DH sat downstairs and I sat upstairs on NYE. I drank hot chocolate and was asleep by 10.30 because my suspected autoimmune condition flared up again.
I'm struggling to make ends meet in a boring job, but stuck with it until DS3 starts school.
No running. I am having tests for autoimmune conditions as I wake up not being able to walk on my right foot most mornings and any strenuous exercise causes me pain and a limp.
I was nowhere near as blunt in my responses as this, but this is how I feel when I compare our 2 lives.
It's hard to feel happy for other people right now, probably sounds selfish and lame and I know I probably have much more going for me than I realise. Every meet-up with this one friend leaves me feeling inferior and failing. She is competitive by nature from what I have observed over the years, although would always deny it. She seems to be in a happy confident place in life right now; I am muddling through as best I can. I have known her belittle others when she has felt threatened before, but she has absolutely no reason to feel threatened by me.
Just looking for a handhold.