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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm seething.

31 replies

123testing · 06/01/2020 11:01

21 years of marriage, controlling bullying behaviour, been a year when the waters were calm and I dropped my guard and he's back to his old tactics.
Catalyst was the car broke down a few times and not been fixed properly, same old joey mechanics but won't take my advice on anything. Went through christmas hols without a car. Was ok on Sunday, told not to drive too much as it could break down again. took it one place and lo and behold it broke down again.
We have multiple kids one with a disability especialy mobility, 2 different schools, lots of after school clubs, hospital apps, grocery shopping, I go to college to study. So I told him we need a reliable car that will last and not break down because it's not practical without it. Even if we have to buy a new one on a lease. He flipped and accused me of trying to keep up wih Joneses and even mimicked me at one point when I was trying to make my point. I'm not saying we have to buy a brand new spanking car, just a reliable one even if it costs abit much. Not talking to him after he mimicked me like that. Feel heart broken and haven't felt like that in a while but it's a familiar feeling. But I don't want to cry. Instead I'm angry!

OP posts:
WrongKindOfFace · 06/01/2020 18:14

Do you have your own bank account? If not then open one ASAP. You could also have the DLA paid into it.

If there is a carers support group locally they may offer support with filling out DLA paperwork. Or will know where else you can go to get help. Also, photocopy the paperwork or take photos on your phone just in case it goes astray in the post.

123testing · 06/01/2020 19:14

Thank you everyone for your suport and advice.

Finances are complicated. Do receive the mobility part but lower end and didnt challenge it because of all the stress and didnt really seek advice. Will have to fill in a new one.
As for finances, it's complicated. Used to work but left to be carer and I'm doing a professional qual but only want to work pt as caring duties plus other kids dont allow it.

He's stingy wih money. Started to make good money but keeps his finances seperate. (He has a business account). Puts in sm money into family account where all our other benifts ca etc go into. All househild expenses cm out of there. But he still thinks I should be saving from this, I am btw very careful with money as have a large family and know how to budget.
He's only recently started to pay as he thought all household budget should be managed from benefits etc alone. We could do that before as kids were younger I was also earning. Also he became more controlling after I left and so my anxiety increased.

OP posts:
123testing · 06/01/2020 19:17

Can't imagine managing everything on my own plus family pressure means I'm still with him. But long term when kids are slightly older maybe I'll take the step but right now I'm drowning in everyday stuff

OP posts:
Catmaiden · 06/01/2020 19:20

If your child gets dla, do you claim carers allowance?

123testing · 06/01/2020 19:48

Yes I do Cat

OP posts:
Catmaiden · 06/01/2020 19:52

Good!

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