Sex/relationship therapy

[FiFTM]

Hi all, I'm gonna try just put everything out here and hope you guys can help. I'm wondering if anyone here has consulted a counsellor in relation to lack of desire for sex with their partner, and if so, did it help? I am with my husband for 9 years, we have a baby under one, and I have totally lost the desire to have sex. I think it was waning a bit before pregnancy but now I just cringe at being touched by him. It's not that I don't like him or fancy him, though both of us have lost a bit of our looks since we met, my weight is definitely something I need to address, he can't really help his hair loss though! He is getting annoyed with me over it, even though I've tried to explain to him that I'm tired and just don't have the drive, it's not that I don't love him. But then I get angry at him for being angry! Unfortunately he has never been great at actual sex, what gets him off movement wise does nothing for me, and when I try to tell him to do what I like he does it for a minute or two until he goes back to his own thing, so I end up faking, a lot, just to get it over with... I know theres a lot of info here but I just want to see if anyone thinks a counsellor might help or do I just need to woman up and tell him what I want and potentially scar his sense of masculinity? Any help would be greatly appreciated xx

Sorry no advice but I could of written this myself (although my partner doesn't get annoyed it just makes him sad). We have 2 year old twins and I just want to relax on an evening sex is literally the last thing on my mind. Other than that our relationship is great, and I feel it will break us if something doesn't change! Hope someone comes along with some advice as it's horrible isn't it x

Helpamummaout it really is awful, again like you we have a lovely relationship and life aside from this, he's my best friend. I have a friend in a similar position (she was drunk and told me, she's the only person I've disclosed this to), though she's been with her husband for nearly 20 years, and she says she just tried to have sex twice a month and pretend everything is Ok, even though she hates it, because again she loves every other aspect of the relationship. I've just booked a counselling session for two weeks time...

Definitely try sexual counselling.

The reason you don't want sex at the moment is that is shit and you are tried .
If it made you feel good you would have sex.
The sexual counselling should get back in touch with each bodies and hopefully teach you husband how you like to be touch ed.

You will have to let me know how the session goes... is it just for you or for both of you?
I can't even force myself to do it a certain amount of times a month 🙈 it makes me feel really under pressure and all I think the whole way through is how he must know I really aren't into it and can't be bothered! Just wish I had a normal sex drive! We've been together nearly 5 years so not that long in the grand scheme! X

It's pretty common to lose sex drive when you've recently had a baby.

You may find him cringey because you're "touched out" from being constantly in demand with the baby. So, it may be partly a question of time and getting some sleep and time to yourself.

Otoh, given the sex isn't particularly good, no wonder you can't be arsed. You really shouldn't have faked it, it's not kind in the long run.

I know the faking thing was a mistake, but unfortunately it was force of habit from other relationships, trying to make other people happy at the expense of my own happiness. It can take me a long time to "get there" in bed and some guys used to feel inadequate if I wasnt done when they were, also some just didn't care... It's gotten to the point where it often hurts to start, and then I'm even more uptight about it. The counselling is just for me initially, there's a lot I need to talk about from other relationships that he doesn't need to hear, and I also want to sort my own thoughts out before I try to explain it all. As much as I have zero interest in having sex right now I don't want to live the rest of my life like that!