Long marriages, do you sometimes have to put some sticking plasters on and trust it’ll get better

[BarracudaSharkNose]

Dh had a nervous breakdown 3 years ago, lost his job, the lot...just getting better and his adult son was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he passed away recently. His ex has always been useless with money and so is ‘borrowing ‘ money from him and he can’t say no because of the circumstances.

His parents, who I really like, are devastated and need support. I’m grieving too. But I just feel like it’s all too much on top of what went before. To try and have decent sex, keep up with my friends, support dh so he doesn’t have another breakdown, worry about the continual financial drain from the ex (we’ve been together nearly as long as they were). I’m exhausted and just want to run away.

Bumping for you. Can't advise on your specific circumstances but I do think long marriages need you to tolerate quite a lot sometimes. Only you know how much and what you can tolerate and whether it's worth it.

Do you love him? If you do, I think you should look for ways to ride through this storm. The circumstances you describe would test any relationship but only you know if this is one worth sticking with or not. Purely on what you have said in your post, you haven't expressed any dissatisfaction with your partner, just that you are living through difficult times. On that basis alone, I would advise looking for ways to stay together.

That all sounds very very hard for both of you. I think you do need to protect yourself in these circumstances. I'm not saying it's time to split up, not at all, but you do need to find ways make sure you're taking care of yourself as well as supporting everyone else.