I've never posted on anything like this before, but read a post from 2013 whilst searching what I should do in this situation and feel like the advice given is sound, so thought I'd register as I'm at a loss.
I am 33 and currently married to my second husband (was really young when I got married the first time) the man I am married to, I love intensely, he is hard working, devoted to me and a brilliant step father to my 2 son's, I want for nothing, he helps around the house, we have so many things in common and have a good life, But, it's a big but.... sometimes (I'm crying when I type this because, it's more than sometimes if I'm honest) he is absaloutly awful to me when he is drunk, this new year is the second new he has ruined in a row, he says really hurtful things, shouts at me, tells me to shut the fuck up, tells I do his head in, I whine, I'm irritating, I'm annoying, I piss him off, he can't stand me , to get out of his face, to stay away from him ECT ECT, this list is pretty much endless. He an ever insults me, as in calls me names and he never says anything aggressive, as in threats of violence.
Sober: he avoids confrontation at all cost.
Me in general, am quite a confident woman, I have lived away from since 16, ex military and work in an environment where I have to really be able to look after my self.
When he is drunk and this way inclined I feel I become quite keen and timmid, I try to avoid arguing back with him as he doesnt listen to me any way.
The last time (before the most recent) it got so bad my 14 year old son, went absaloutly mental, sticking up for me and threatened him, I left with my to son's and stayed in a hotel until everything calmed down, when I returned I told him I was leaving him but he convinced me to stay.
This time, 5 days ago, I again accepted his apology, but don't know if I've actually forgiven him, it keeps playing over and over in my mind, to the point where tonight, I have woke up with a start, heart racing actually crying and struggling to breath as I had a dream that he got drunk and was that violent he cracked my cheack bone and made my face bloody, although I don't think he would ever hit me, subconsciously I must have some concerns.
I don't want to be 33 and be divorced again, I really love him, but have lost so much respect for him, on our honeymoon he got so drunk he stood in the street and wet himself, and various things that make me cringe as well as the shouting.
I'm at a loss I really am, what do I do?