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Original poster

Should I confront this friend or just delete her number ?

28 replies

Trinity20 · 05/01/2020 20:42

I have known her for over a year now. Used to see her daily at work but now it's more like monthly.
When I was writing emails at work to HR and the like she used to read them over my shoulder and then read them out aloud which was a bit annoying. Apart from that we got on and had a good laugh.
We usually keep in touch on Whatsapp,and talk every day or almost every day.

A few months ago I found out a guy had completely led me on and was with someone. I had gotten quite invested in him and she was being supportive. Equally she had had relationship issues which I supported her over.
About a week or so after i'd found that out about the guy she told me, "Not being funny but you just need to get over it. No point talking about it." i was a little taken aback but I got what she meant.
I tried to say in a jokey way that we were both guilty of doing it. She said, "well I only bring it up when you do, I don't randomly spew out info."
Anyway for about 3 days after she seemed really off and cold. Didn't contact her and she didn't either, then after a couple of weeks she got in touch.

It got back to normal with daily texting and stuff. And recently she has just trailed off. Not sure why but she seems to have zero interest in talking to me. It's always been me starting the conversation and she just replies very short things. I told her I was starting a new job and she didn't say anything.
Should I ask her if everything is ok and comment on her being distant, or just stop texting her ?
I know she has her own personal stuff, she's on her 4th job in less than a year and she's had some personal issues.
Just that she's done this before and i'm a bit fed up worrying if i've offended her or anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trinity20 · 05/01/2020 20:45

She would text me several times a day and tell me anything and everything. Constantly sending me memes and whatnot. In a way it makes me want to keep friends like that at arm's length, because then when they do this with no explanation it does hurt and leave you blindsided.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 05/01/2020 20:45

I would just leave it. Friends drift apart. When we get to know others, we sometimes just find out that they irritate us, which is what's happened here. Move on.

Original poster
Trinity20 · 05/01/2020 20:46

Yeah. Do you think shes just decided that she doesn't actually like me that much ? Because I honestly cannot think of anything i've done.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trinity20 · 05/01/2020 20:47

She also told me a few weeks ago that she "doesn't really know me" which seems odd as I've been talking to her daily/meeting up often for over a year.

OP posts:
WhenPushComesToShove · 05/01/2020 20:48

Why try and reignite the embers of a dying relationship. What's in it for you except more disappointment and lack of support. Move on...

Original poster
Trinity20 · 05/01/2020 20:51

True. I just want an explanation. I wasn't just going on about myself, she phoned me 2 weeks ago to talk about someone she liked for 30 minutes. When I tried to say something she said, "i'll let you rant in a minute" and continued.
It just makes me wary of people who get so close then suddenly drop you.

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 05/01/2020 20:52

She doesn’t sound like a true friend, she’s very self centred. Find some friends who are more genuine and interested in proper friendship

Original poster
Trinity20 · 05/01/2020 20:55

She probably is sadly. She did give me a lot of great advice and last year she asked me to move in with her even.
But there is something odd maybe. When you are talking with her she will just flit from one subject to another very randomly. Or you could be talking about work and she will just say "I want a dog".
I asked her to meet and she just made an excuse about having no money. You don't need to have money to go for a walk or to a museum or something.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 05/01/2020 20:59

Block and focus on your real friends who you can meet up with and visit etc. Sound like she's moved on and is probably texting her new work colleagues daily now.

Original poster
Trinity20 · 05/01/2020 21:01

Youre right. It's funny because last month I was very skint. I said I could meet for a coffee, and she said, "i'd rather meet when we both have money so we can do something other than coffee " then the next day she put an Instagram story of her at a restaurant and various bars.
I will move on too. I didn't reply to her "need to sort my finances" and will just delete the number.

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 05/01/2020 21:15

Why delete her number? That’s a bit harsh. Friends drift in and out of each other’s lives at various times. Mine do. I used to work with a woman who knew all of my personal business and we’d gossip all day. She left and we keep in touch but not that often. Met her for a drink at Xmas having not seen her for almost a year and we had a great time. Don’t know when I’ll see her again, it doesn’t matter though.
I’d only ever delete a number if I didn’t trust myself not to send messages to it. Surely you’re not tempted to send her arsey messages. Just leave her be. You’ll either find your way back to one another or you won’t. Don’t be so dramatic

BumbleBeee69 · 05/01/2020 21:17

Block the witch... no explanation... she sounds nasty ... move on Flowers

Original poster
Trinity20 · 05/01/2020 21:23

No of course I won't send arsey messages. I'd delete it so I don't chase her and text asking if she wants to meet up. Yes friends do come and go, but in this case she's making it clear she's no longer interested so what's the point of keeping her number ? If she wants to text me, she has mine.

OP posts:
GinNsnowmen · 05/01/2020 21:27

Sounds exhausting

Original poster
Trinity20 · 05/01/2020 21:28

Just wish this hadn't happened the day before I start a new job. Feel pretty down about it.

OP posts:
whistlingkettle · 08/01/2020 22:14

she’s shown you who she really is Op. Accept the face she has shown you and move on from her. You deserve better

rumandbiscuits · 08/01/2020 22:20

She sounds like a girl I am very vaguely friends with and that's only because we work together and I see her most days that I put up with her shit but I keep her at arms length. She is blunt and rude! She is the centre of her entire universe and nobody else exists, she is also a massive hypocrite!! Don't know if that also sounds familiar with your friend? 100% don't text, you don't need 'friends' like her in your life. She sounds vile.

Original poster
Trinity20 · 08/01/2020 22:20

Thanks. I'm already feeling better since posting the other day, realising that silence speaks volumes and glad I didn't say anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trinity20 · 08/01/2020 22:22

Yeah, that kind of does ! This one can be very rude and blunt too, she always gets into arguments with people on public transport and also told someone in a bar to go fuck himself because he stole her table (he was rude but still) and she had a full blown argument at work with someone in front of us.

OP posts:
rumandbiscuits · 08/01/2020 22:26

Yes that sounds very much like the girl I work with. She is very angry and has a lot of issues. She flutters from friend to friend and has very intense friendships with girls and then drops them and is onto the next one within a few days. It's weird behaviour I think. She's a very pretty girl but is massively insecure and just constantly puts others around her down which is obviously to try and make herself feel better. She's been banned from most of the pubs in our town for getting drunk and fighting. I suspect within a few weeks she will try contacting you again. I know it's hard when a friend dumps you for no reason but honestly from what you've said I think it's a blessing that she has.

springydaff · 09/01/2020 01:13

Poor you op. People like this can be so painful 💐

I've had a few 'friendships' like this, with both men and women. They're so into you then like the flick of a switch they're gone and look at you blankly. Like they've used you all up or something..

A young guy who did it has ADHD and his wife warned me he picks up and drops people - I genuinely didn't think that would include me (lol!) but it did! So glad his wife warned me.

Try not to take it to heart. It's not you it's her. And avoid people who are all over you.

Original poster
Trinity20 · 09/01/2020 06:39

Thank you. Yes I see traits in her from both PPs, she would message constantly throughout the day, more than anyone else. Then once she told me, "can we not talk about relationship drama anymore, finding it hard to juggle with work." Found it pretty rude, then of course 2 weeks later she started talking about her own love life again.
It must be her.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 09/01/2020 10:17

I have really good friends.
We never ever text all day every day.
WTF do you talk about?
Just leave it now.

Sagradafamiliar · 09/01/2020 10:37

Seems like the friendship plummeted after you told her about finding out about being strung along. Sounds like she disapproved and suddenly didn't want to hear about it, maybe she doesn't believe that you didn't know you were the 'other woman'. Whatever the reason is, you need to give up trying with her. It will smash up your self esteem to keep trying to speak with her only to get brushed off. It makes no difference whether you delete her number or not, if it makes you feel better then delete it but I'd keep it in case she ever rings, then you'll know who it is

MzHz · 09/01/2020 11:34

The intensity of the initial relationship and the backing off, the 4 jobs in a short space of time all indicate that it's her that is causing some kind of issue

If you are starting a new job, does that take you away from where she's working? perhaps its that she's trying to minimise the 'loss' of you leaving? either way its not healthy relationship and you know that she's not really there for you

Phasing her out gradually is the most sensible approach, move on etc etc.

Sorry love, its shit isn't it? :(