I have a bad temper with men

[Trinity20]

Just with men mainly, I think because i've been hurt a lot and I get very worked up. In my early 20s I was a complete doormat and put up with so much rubbish.
I wish now that I could be serene and calm and simply just stop communicating with the person, but I end up losing it.

As a result, I have only stayed friends with 1 ex from a few years ago, the others probably think i'm crazy.
A guy told me some awful lies and when I found out I lost it with him, he phoned me with excuses and I was swearing and basically just put him in his place and told him that I never wanted to hear from him again.

Another guy I thought was a friend made perverted comments and asked me for nudes. He had done this before and again I got really angry and told him what for, and blocked him.

Got a few men on my blocked list now ! Then I worry that they think i'm a psycho. I don't insult them personally, just their behaviour, but I just find myself getting so worked up.

Does anyone else feel like this ? I think i've just lost so much respect for men now as a result of a lot of trauma, and I think it's very important to confront them, but I find myself blowing my top then feeling embarrassed later.

You sound to have had every reason to be angry in the examples you quote. Are you angry with random innocent men?

No not with innocent men luckily 😂 maybe I do, I just feel myself getting really worked up and send them long rants by message which I read back and am embarrassed about. They are really not worth it.

Well done for having good boundaries and putting bad rubbish in the bin. 🤷‍♀️

Thank you. Maybe I just need to see it like that, I just feel embarrassed about lashing out because I want to be the bigger person and rise above them, I think silence speaks volumes.

In the examples you give, the men sound awful and dropping them is/was definitely the right thing to do so well done you.

But if you feel uncomfortable about your long text rants, maybe ust type them and then delete them rather than sending them? Don't give these awful men your power. Just cut them off and block them. Your silence is much more powerful.

Thank you. Yes that's a good idea, maybe just typing them out and not actually sending it. I feel like I need to get the words out but it's true they aren't even worth the energy. I tend to have a go at them because I don't want them to think what they have done is ok and that we can carry on being friendly.

This guy I knew for two weeks at uni keeps finding me on SM for the last ten years.
I always block him, because he writes cocky stuff like ' oh she's alive or well well well.
I told him to fuck off and he's creepy.
Then blocked he then set up another insta to text me a whole heap of abuse.
Which proved me right he's creepy.

Sometimes men abuse in a more subtle way and women just respond with a shouty more direct fuck off

Sounds like you have every reason to be angry. Society is very in accepting of female anger though isn’t it, and when we display it (justifiably) we are belittled, dehumanised, parodied, mocked, scorned, reviled (sometimes even diagnoses with belittling/dismissive labels)

Who’s for crowdfunding for an island?

Using silence is a skill. It's a really difficult skill to learn if you're someone who likes to say their piece and who feels injustice deeply.

But with practice it can be learned and believe me that moral high ground is a joy

You could in a calmer frame of mind pre-write stock answers to keep in your notes to tackle these situations in future. Then, if/when it happens, select one, copy, paste into a text, send and block.

I can completely understand wanting to block and cut awful men out of your life but also wanting to do so in a dignified and firm manner where you keep the high ground.

Say a message for the dick pick guys, another for the sexting pests, another for compulsive liars.

After you send these and block, then call a girlfriend and have a rant to vent. Or write down a long sweary rant and then burn it (safely outside).

Thank you. Definitely up for the crowdfunding !
I'm definitely someone who likes to say their piece. I just like to make it clear to the men that they will not treat me in that manner again and they will no longer be part of my life.
Definitely agree that men can abuse in a subtle way.

You're not 'angry with men' OP.

Women are conditioned and socialised to be nice, play nice, not get angry, be 'feminine' (whatever that means) and keep things calm.

You're quite rightly telling these men, in no uncertain terms, that their behaviour is wrong. Good for you. Keep doing it.

Yes that is a good idea !
I just don't want these men to ever think, "Oh she's cool with it/she didn't react/I can do it again."
I will definitely try that though.

What were your parents like? I think my lack of ability to socialise with men is because of my upbringing. Did you have fun males in your family, were you treated as an equal.
The reason I ask is because it isn't necessarily you that has a problem picking men, or choosing useless men, more that you were influenced by aspects in the family as you grew up which results in your behaviour.