What to say to ex

[Frances19]

Hi guys,

I am meeting up with my ex boyfriend today. We broke up just over a week ago when I knew he was being distant and when I pushed him to explain why, he said he needed to be on his own to sort out his head, this isn't the first time we've had issues with his head, he definitely has commitment issues. We've been on and off for nearly two and a half years now. He's 35, I'm 31.

We have been talking a little bit and have agreed to meet tonight to chat. The problem is that I would like to stay together and would agree to stand by him and give him time while he gets his head together but I'm wondering if I should tell him tonight I'm walking away for fear of not standing up for myself or looking pathetic for waiting around for him for so long

Do not meet with him tonight. What would you want such a meeting to achieve anyway, it will likely only make you feel worse.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up then?.

Why do you think you've been on/off for the last 2.5 years?. Its not working and this relationship has not worked out. If he has commitment issues he has commitment issues. Its no reflection on you as a person; this is all on him and these are his issues to work out. You cannot act as a rescuer or saviour in a relationship, trying to act as either does not work. You also do not have to stand by him or wait for him to have an epiphany that may equally not happen.

Raise your relationship bar higher and reassess your approaches to relationships.

I'm in a similar position, my partner dumped me a few weeks ago in a similar way and like you I really wanted the relationship to work and agreed at the beginning to give her time and space to figure things out, decide what she wants etc. It was the worst thing I could have done. We stayed in touch, she used me as an emotional crutch but basically expected me to put my life on hold. I absolutely dont blame her for that, I told her I was willing to do it. But why should I do that for someone who obviously doesnt care as much about me?
Over the last week I have cut contact and I'm getting on with my life. It's been hard but I feel like I made the right choice.

You're flogging a dead horse.