This is a long one so bear with me. I have been married nearly 18 years and work full time with my husband, We have 2 lovely kids and various pets. We have a great home life, holidays friends etc, the thing is we have stopped having a physical relationship around 6 months ago. He was diagnosed with depression 8 years ago but that never stopped him being physical. He has always been the one taking the lead and I loved how confident he is in the bedroom. The problem here is that we have throughout our marriage argued about how he feels I am not interested in him as I rarely initiate sex, we don't talk whilst in the bedroom and this makes him feel like I am just conducting my wifely duties. He is still very good looking was my first and only sexual partner and I admit I have taken it for granted he just takes the lead. I grew up in an old fashion household where my dad was the man of the house. It's no excuse as i know how relationships are from friends, family tv etc so when we have talked about this I completely understand that he feels like I am not interested. But whenever I make a change to intiate or be more vocal he says I am just doing this because we argued about this before, I then revert back to waiting and then we just go round in circles . I do enjoy sex so why am I not confident? He has now said that he doesn't want to sleep with me, as he a doesn't feel a connection.He says if we take the sex away our relationship it will be less stressful for both of us and we can just continue being friends working and raising our kids together and see how things go from there. The lack of sex now means we are barely talking and kissing hugging him makes him feel awkward. And I am not sure how we can live together without some form of physical contact. We went to counselling last year and discovered lots of things from both our pasts that have caused trauma to us. Things were a bit better but now we have gone back to the beginning. My husband feels I am not interested in him and that I don't understand his depression. He had an affair 8 years ago and that was around the time he was diagnosed with depression. We managed to sort things out and I never told anyone about the cheating as I just wanted to get past it and move on, as I was worried about him and wanted to return to normal family life. It killed my confidence at the time and I know over the years not talking about any problems as I bottle everything up thinking tomorrow is a new day and it will all be good has brought us here. I really want to save our marriage as I love him and always thought we would be together, but i think he has had enough and to be honest I can't blame him. Help what is wrong with me what is stopping me be confident in the bedroom and is it really over?