I don't know what to do in my relationship.

[AliyahAndAvalahna]

I'm new to this-so bare with me. I had my DD in November 2019 after falling pregnant at the age of 19. I was terrified as I never wanted to be a young parent but if that was God's will then so be it.

Me and my partner was doing fine and when we found out we was pregnant we was both happy. He's 27, so has wanted a baby for a while.

The day she arrived was hard, my labour lasted 17 hours. We don't live together so that call when my waters broke was overwhelming for us both. When we took our DD back to my house, he had to 'go home because I'm so tired' after I had just given birth. I gave him the benefit of the doubt as it was overwhelming and I understand his feelings. But since our DD has been here our relationship is so strained.

He only works part time-but now says he has no time in the day to come to my house to see me and our DD. We argue all the time, his family are useless and don't bother with my DD unless I take her to see them. His mom even indirectly posted something about me after an argument me and my partner had. We've split up and got back together numerous amount of times since DD has been here. We are currently split up now and have been for weeks.

Every time he comes to see DD I miss him so much and I feel I have a hole in my heart. But then I remember the lack of support and respect in the relationship. I feel so guilty because recently I have slept with someone else because that's what I feel he is doing but I regret it so much. Even though we aren't together, I don't want anybody else but my daughters father.

I just want him back-but I'm not sure it's right. I just want to be a family.

Hi OP,

We're just giving this thread a bump for you.

I mean this nicely but this isn't someone you want as an example to your child.
I'd focuson you and your baby.
I'm sorry you've had a hard time but at 27 he needs to grow up. I hope your claiming cm from him and he's paying for his child. Stop letting him pop over... Contact can be somewhere public. Makes it less personal.
I'm sorry this happened but you have. A beautiful baby now to protect x good luck op x

Congratulations on your beautiful daughter.

Contact Gingerbread www.gingerbread.org.uk/ and ask them about child maintenance, contact arrangements and any other support you may be entitled to. They also have single parent support groups which you may find helpful as you sound like you are getting little support.

Your boyfriend is a lot older than you and his idea to have a child because he was the grand old age of 27 doesn't sound right. He doesn't want to know OP, I'm sorry but you need to harden up and start looking after yourself.

You need to be assertive with him. Once you've found out about how to make child contact arrangements, then discuss that with him. I find it doubtful that he will continue to see his child but, he can pay towards her. Gingerbread will advise you on that.

Move on OP. Put your daughter and her welfare first. She needs stability and peace, not someone who drifts in and out of her life when it suits him.

Have you ensured your contraception is in place? Are you on the pill/do you have a coil placed? You had a baby less than three months ago, getting pregnant again will be a mistake.

Your relationship with your baby's dad is over. You will feel like you have a hole in your heart, it hurts terribly, but I want to reassure you that you're not always going to feel like this. Just get distance from him and give it time. It will get better.

If you can step up at 19, he can at 27. But he has chosen not to. Neither as a dad nor a partner.

So you need to woman up. Focus on your needs and the baby's needs. No more pining after him. You're a mum now, you need to be strong, assertive and have boundaries. Get child support, proper visitation arrangements, good contraception and work out why you are putting up with this nonsense from him. So you never put up with anything like it again.

Good luck!